As weather beaten as his wigg;
Swears by his chanter he can win her bread,
Though never a tooth be in her head.
Edinburgh: Printed in the Year 1777.’ It has been collated with an undated edition published by Morren of Edinburgh. On the title of this latter edition the widow is called ‘Flinging Betty.’ The 1777 edition is an 8 pp. 12mo., containing only the ‘Jokes’; but in Morren’s Edition the ‘Jokes’ follow the ‘Cariches.’ The two were generally printed separately, although they are occasionally to be seen together.]
THE COMICAL AND WITTY JOKES OF JOHN FALKIRK.
A certain old reverend priest, being one night at supper in a gentleman’s house; and for one article having eggs, the server of the table, as usual laid a cloath on every ones knee, wherewith to hold their egg in when hot, when supper was over, the priest looking down between his legs, and seeing the white cloath thought it was his shirt-tail: and very slyly stops it into his breeches bite, and bite, which the lady and her maid observed, but was ashamed to challenge him; so home he went with the servet in his breeches, and knew nothing of it till going to bed, when it fell from him, his wife enquired how he came by it, he could not tell, but was surprized how he came to have more bulk in his breeches than formerly, but perceiving the name they sent it back again, the priest pleaded to be excused own’d himself only a thief through ignorance.[153]
An old gentleman and his two sons, being in a company, his oldest son sitting next him, spoke a word which highly displeased his father; for which his father gave him a hearty blow on the side of the head: A well said he, I will not lift my hand to strick at my parents, but gives his other brother that sat by him, a blow on the ear, saying give that about by the way of a drink, till it comes to my father again.
A sailor being traveling between Edinburgh and Linlithgow which is twelve long computed miles: and as he was setting out in the morning about 8 o’clock, he seed a vain like young spark go running past him, which he never minded, but kept jogging on at his own leisure: and as he was going into Linlithgow, about twelve o’Clock, up comes the young spark, and asked the sailor, what a Clock it was, why says the sailor, I see you have a watch and I have none, what is it? out he pulls his watch, ho said he, it’s directly twelve, and what do you think, it was half an hour after ten or I came out of Edinburgh, I have walked it in an hour and a half; it is pretty well tript, says the sailor, but pray sir, what man of business are you? O! said he, I am a watch maker, I was thinking so, said the sailor, for you have made your watch to answer your feet, for those feet can’t answer a right watch, and I suppose your tongue can’t keep time with none of them do you remember where you went past me this morning about eight o’Clock; O yes said he, and off he went.