“The fever with which I was prostrate at my landing is now intermittent; and though I wake every morning with a headache raging, and shaking fits, and a most disordered tongue, with proper care, as the day wears on, I regain my strength, and am passably fit to be taken to this and the other banquet and festa in the evening—things which I hate, but cannot refuse for fear of giving offence and damaging His Majesty’s Service. There is not only Their Majesties to consider, but the Ambassadors of the friendly Powers, and the leading nobles. These last are very important; for it cannot be denied that though the lazzaroni and the humbler class generally are devoted to the good Queen and her husband, there is among the younger members of the noble families a wicked and pernicious tendency to welcome the new and infernal doctrines begotten in France. I do not myself believe that they are with the French at heart, but there is in the mind of the educated Italian a certain levity which makes him scoff at anything established, be it religion or the laws of his country, and disposed to trifle with the last new toy in theories.
“I am writing at too great length that which is only written for the writing, and never to be seen of the public eye; but I feel that I must defend myself to myself, since it is the first time that my conscience has doubted me.
“It was necessary that I should attend these assemblages, whose miserable conduct maddens my irritable temper. But I could not have done it were it not for the goodness, the overpowering goodness, of Lady Hamilton. Not only has she given me this chamber and nourished me with this extreme care, but every morning she would do something to take me out of my poor wretched self, to stop the thumping my head gives from the hurt I had at the Nile. One morning, after light refreshment had been brought in and I had eaten what I could, and lay back on my pillow trying, by closing my eyes, to hide myself from the pain and feeling of sickness, while Comyn and Campbell and Will and the boy [myself—T. T.], and perhaps Troubridge, were standing or sitting round in affectionate and respectful silence, waiting for me to be able to raise my head and give directions for the ordering of the squadron, I heard Lady Hamilton’s glorious rich voice singing in some part of the palace at the distance to be soothing; and as a morning or two later, I mended, I opened my eyes to see her, before an enraptured audience expressing their applause with silent admiration, in those Attitudes all Europe has heard of for their wonderful grace and fidelity to what they represent.
“Then as the day advanced, and I had back strength enough to be dressed, and had got through the business of the fleet, she would have me come into her own salon, the pleasantest room in the house after my chamber, to rest upon a couch until it should be time for the midday meal, which they take here in Naples very early. While I was on the couch she would pull one of the long Italian stools by my side, and, half sitting, half kneeling on it in the most graceful attitude in the world, leaning her elbow at times on my couch for the balance, read or talk or be silent, as my mood was, and if my head troubled me, press it gently but firmly with her hands, which were very full of restoring energy. She would do this, which is very fatiguing when done from below, until she had charmed away the pain by some hand-healing powers well known to the Italians. And when it was over, and I was dozing off, she would rest her own head against me. At first this was to snatch a moment of needed rest, but it soothed me. The contact with her, I think, carried on that current of energy or sympathy which I found so curative.
“I wonder,—no, I cannot think it was wicked of me to caress with my fingers that beautiful head which was so kind to me; to train back the auburn curls running over it, when they strayed in front of her little pink ears; to press it lightly with my lips in the hope that she would just perceive and the hope that she would just not perceive this suggestion of gratitude and appreciation. Only yesterday morning, after a week of this tender nursing, her head was a little nearer to me; and feeling that this was the last of such mornings, I being now sufficiently the better to be able to resume my ordinary day, I ventured to press my lips firmly upon the bright hair just above the noble forehead,—so intellectual, so exquisite, in the contour of its brows,—intending to signify gratitude for her care, and the end of my pleasant ailing. But she would not have it, and, in its place, turned up to me her face, the very type of rosy beauty, and radiant with tenderness for my infirmity. My infirmity, alas! of another sort was not proof, and I kissed her tenderly, gratefully and respectfully, and taking her hand in mine held it for I know not how long, pouring out my thanks for her goodness.
“Those were the beginnings, the foundations for what happened last night in consequence of Josiah’s really outrageous behaviour. It might be supposed that something of this had come to Josiah’s ears and caused the outbreak. But I have no shadow of reason for believing so. Having free access to me in my chamber and elsewhere, he knew that Lady Hamilton was nursing me, but that there had been any kind of tenderness between us he was not aware. He is, however, of a violent and jealous disposition, and being now a man, and inflamed by her gracious beauty, he cannot but remember how she caressed him and never had him out of her company when he was a boy and we were last in Naples; and he is maddened by her countenance being totally withdrawn from him now, not from any fault she has against him, but because she has turned herself into a nurse for my recovery.
“He has, I suppose, learned of her betrayal when she was little more than a child; though I hardly know it myself, not being disposed to listen to tales bringing the impeachment of an unfortunate past against the present position of those I respect, especially if they be my benefactors. The gross epithets he applied to Lady Hamilton last night must allude to this buried past, and the insinuations against my conduct must have been based upon the same. He was robbed of his reason by wine until he was incapable of distinguishing; and then gave vent, by making coarse and impossible suggestions, to his irritation at her previous kindness to him being lost in the devotion she has shown to my nursing.
“I felt inexpressibly pained and outraged, and was quite at a loss what to do in keeping with the respect due to her Ladyship and my position in His Majesty’s service, when trusty Troubridge, hearing the heated voice, flew in and literally carried him off. I think I may say that my pain and shame were shared by all present, for almost before I could notice, the anteroom was empty but for our two selves, and the doors gently closed.
“I was sitting on a kind of couch, with Lady Hamilton at my right side, when J. flung himself before us. She rose with womanly dignity to stand up, as it were, for her good and virtuous name. I had already sprung to my feet to confront the young ruffian, and until he had been carried off, and we were left, she maintained her courage wonderfully. But when the occasion had passed, and we were alone, she almost fainted; she could hardly stagger back to the couch. I never saw such womanly emotion. I flung myself on my knees in front of her and entreated her not to lose her courage now that the storm was past, but the tears poured from her eyes and she was the very picture of womanly weakness. In vain I tried to persuade her.
“A strange fire had been running through my veins all day since that meeting in the morning. I felt as elated as if I were a god. There was enough indeed to elate me without that: it was my fortieth birthday, and I could remind myself that before my fortieth birthday I had won the Battle of the Nile. In honour of my birthday the Ambassador and Lady H. had given a party of unprecedented magnificence. Above eighty sat down to dinner; above seventeen hundred not only accepted, but came to the ball which followed. Supper was laid for eight hundred. In the ball-room there was a rostral column erected in my honour under a magnificent canopy, never to come down while we remain at Naples, and the Ambassador whispered to me that he had it on good authority that I should have a peerage at least, if not a viscounty. In the middle of the entertainment, ‘God Save the King’ was sung, without foreknowledge on my part, by the crew of my barge, with an additional verse in my honour writ by Miss Knight.