Mrs Nutts. How? Why, as I say, I’d bring in fashion. I’d make a Maid of Honour, or something of that sort, shave my own lawful husband; and I’d see it done, too, every morning; shave him just to set the thing a-going. That would give employment to lots of poor things that has nothing now but the needle.
Nutts comes in.
Nosebag. Why, Nutts, you’ve just come in time. In another minute, and your wife would ha’ taken the business out of your hands.
Nutts. Yes, I know; jest the persumption of women; think they can do anything their husbands do. If I was a Horse Guardsman, she’d think she’d look quite as well as me in boots, helmet, and regimentals. It’s like all wives; but it’s our own fault—I’ve often said it. We’re too free with ’em: it’s the famil’arity breeds contempt. Women shave, indeed!
Mrs Nutts. And why not? A very light, genteel livelihood. Better than making shirts, I’m sure; for a woman with a razor in her hand wouldn’t be the unpertected thing she is now.
Nutts. Now, Mrs Nutts, suppose you go and look to the apple-sarce, and, for a little while, be quiet with your own. Burns the baker has promised to do the pig like a pictur; that’s why I took it myself; brown and crisp, and——
Mrs Nutts. Well, Nutts, I wouldn’t worship a roast pig as you do, for its weight in gold; I should think something would happen to me. You, with a wife and family, to be the slave you are to crackling!
Nutts. If a great man hadn’t one weakness, he wouldn’t be fit society for the miserable sinners in this world about him. I have one weakness—jest one—and that is now in the oven. Now, Mr Nosebag, shall I make you fit for company? (Nosebag takes the chair.)
Mrs Nutts. Well, I have one comfort, Nutts; if anything should happen to you, I’ve seen you shave so often, that I’m sure I could keep the children, and do it quite as well myself, if the customers would trust me.
Tickle. You shall have my custom, Mrs Nutts. I wouldn’t desert the widder of my friend.