Curiosity is one of the prominent characteristics of both sexes. With the boy this is satisfied without much pretence at secrecy. False modesty prevents the girl from openly obtaining the desired information. She obtains it secretly from her companions. Mothers do not give their daughters credit for the instinct that compels the satisfaction of their curiosity. Sometime during her life, nearly every mother is surprised and shocked at the knowledge displayed by her daughter. She finds that owing to her silence and neglect of opportunities her daughter has obtained definite if entirely wrong ideas of sexual matters.
In other matters, too, the policy of silence or of arbitrarily forbidding the daughter to indulge in certain pleasures, coupled with the natural curiosity of the girl, tends to develop in her the habit of deceitfulness. If she is forbidden some harmless amusements she very frequently learns these diversions at the homes of her friends. The mother was brought up in one generation, the daughter in another; what was considered wrong in the first generation is looked upon in an entirely different manner now. Many mothers seem to be unable to realize this. They were brought up in a puritanical environment. The puritan fathers forbade all indulgence in mirth and happiness. Their ideas of the perfect life were to wear a stern, unsmiling countenance and do those things that were unpleasant. If anything was uncongenial, then it was their duty to overcome their inclinations. These puritans expected to develop by repression. We have changed our ideas radically since then, but some of the puritanical ideas still cling to us in our treatment of children. To develop the child's character she must be made to do the things she does not want to do and to refrain from the things she most desires. Is it right?
We are most interested in those things that belong to us individually or in which we have some share. If we wish a girl to remain at home then we must see that she is interested in that home. The way to do this is to make her feel that the home belongs to her in part and that some portions of it are entirely hers. The majority of girls feel no real interest in their homes. They are made to feel that it is their parents' home and that they are only assistants. A girl to be interested in her home must have some definite room that is hers alone and in which she is allowed to exercise her individual tastes. She must have a place in which she can entertain her friends without the feeling that whatever she does and says is to be criticised afterwards. She should be assigned to certain tasks and held responsible for them. She must have a certain definite allowance out of which she is to buy certain things, otherwise her desire for independence will arise and cause her to leave home. The majority of girls have no income of their own. Perhaps their desires are all fulfilled by an indulgent parent and yet the girls resent the feeling of dependence.
Girls are naturally just as ambitious as boys, and they need good, honest work to keep them healthy and their minds occupied. If a girl displays an interest in a certain line of work this interest must be encouraged. Usually it is not. The girl is taught, either consciously or unconsciously, that whatever occupation she takes up will be only temporary, that to become engrossed in her work would mean no marriage. Girls cannot do good work under such conditions.
CHAPTER XVI
SELF-ABUSE
In one of my articles for one of the leading women's magazines I spoke of mental self-abuse. This brought me so many inquiries regarding both mental and physical self-abuse that I feel impelled to explain them to you.
To abuse means to use wrongly, or to injure. We have talked about the uses of the female organs and also about the care of them. Sometimes, I have watched children rub their eyes until they were quite red and inflamed. I have seen children, thoughtlessly, stick pins and hairpins in their ears and I even have had to remove a bean which a thoughtless child had pushed up its nose. All these things did more or less harm to the parts. In the same way, some girls play with their external generative organs and even put things up in the vagina. Sometimes they injure these organs greatly, and sometimes there is a more general and serious effect. You know the nerves of the body all are very closely connected like telegraph wires so that an irritation to one part will sometimes be telegraphed to another entirely different part and cause the nerves of that part to be irritated. When you have a toothache your whole face and head and even your arms ache. That is because the nerves are irritated. In the same way if one irritates the nerves of the female organs, the whole body may be affected; only in this case it is more serious than with the toothache; for these female organs are more abundantly supplied with nerves.