Herself: Talks with Women Concerning Themselves

by E. B. Lowry

Every mother and every father realizes that there are certain things incident to reproduction that must be learned by the child at an early age. They realize, too, that it is preferable that this information should be imparted by the parents. But, on account of their own lack of instruction, they find two problems confronting them. How and when shall I tell my child are the questions uppermost in many parents' minds.

The answer to the first question must depend upon the individual case. At a certain age a baby expresses a desire for something to bite. Before that time we make no effort to force him to bite. Later he finds he can help himself from one position to another by creeping. Then in a few months he discovers he is able to use his feet and tries to walk. We do not try to force any of these new ideas upon him but simply wait patiently until he expresses a desire to acquire some new knowledge, then we aid him and guide his efforts.

There comes a time in the life of every child when he awakens to knowledge of reproduction. Then is the time to give the information. Some children commence to inquire as early as three years. At such an early age it is not necessary to go into details, as a very little information suffices to satisfy the child.

Just how to tell the truths necessary must vary with the age of the child. It is important to remember to be truthful to the child. When a mother tells the child that the stork or the doctor brings the baby, she sets a seal upon evasion. Some day he will learn that his mother has deceived him and that behind her instruction lies an element of secrecy, and secrecy with its companion curiosity is the cause of much unrest in after life. The child gathers the idea that there must be something shameful connected with the birth of a child or his mother would not be ashamed to tell him the truth.

Secondly, the child must be told scientifically that this knowledge may form a basis for later studies in biology. He can be taught in a simple manner that all nature comes from a seed; that the mother makes a tiny nest for the seed and that with all seeds it is necessary for their growth that the father gives them some pollen.

Until these subjects are put before children and young people with some degree of intelligence and sympathetic handling, it cannot be expected that anything but the utmost confusion in mind and in morals should reign in matters of sex. It seems incredible that our thoughts could be so unclean that we find it impossible to give to our children the information they need on these most sacred subjects, but instead we allow them to obtain their information whenever and wherever they can and in the most unclean manner. A child at the age of puberty is capable of the most sensitive, affectional and serene appreciation of what sex means and can absorb the teachings if properly given without any shock to his sense of the fitness of things. Indeed whenever these subjects are taught to the child correctly they induce a feeling of reverence for the mother that could not otherwise be obtained. A little child when told that she grew in a nest in mother's body right underneath mother's heart at once becomes filled with a great love and wonder for that mother. Then later to teach the relation of fatherhood and how the love of parents for each other and their desire to have a child of their very own was the cause of that child's existence—these things seem so natural to the child mind that has not been polluted with vulgar ideas that they excite in him no sense of unfitness, only a deep gratitude and a kind of tender wonderment.

The great point to remember in teaching these things to children is to satisfy their present question and leave the understanding that mother (or father) always stands ready and willing to explain any problems that are bothering the child.

So many girls have told me that when they were between six and fourteen years of age they had heard some things about the land where the babies grow and immediately went to their mothers and inquired as to the truth of what they had heard. The invariable answer received was, "Little girls must not talk about such things." That silenced the child and the mother heaved a sigh of relief that the question had passed off so smoothly and easily. That little sentence has been the cause of innumerable mistakes and misery. That little sentence marked the beginning of the failure of the child to confide in her mother, the child never again would broach the subject to her mother. However, that did not mean that the child would not receive the information requested; for, as a rule, the girls who told of this incidence also remarked that they had received the information very soon from some older girl and frequently in a vulgar manner. If a mother wishes to retain the confidence of her daughter, if a father wishes to retain the confidence of his son they both must keep a keen lookout for the first questions and be prepared to answer them at the time.

Later on the special sexual needs of the boy or the girl can be explained, the necessity of cleanliness and the danger of self-abuse. The need of self-control and the possibility of deflecting physical desire to other channels and the great gain resulting; all these things the youth of either sex are capable of understanding and appreciating, and the knowledge given early will prevent many physical and moral wrecks.

It is the duty of fathers and mothers to prepare themselves on these subjects so as to have the answer ready when the child first inquires. There is no excuse for not doing so, for educators all over the country stand ready to help any parents who call upon them. It is possible for every community to obtain the services of a lecturer or teacher who will instruct the parents. The individual can obtain books which explain all these things simply and plainly. There is no excuse for ignorance.