Riches of grace

by E. E. Byrum

CONFLICT WITH DOUBTS

When I awoke the next morning, the peace of God was still in my soul; but Satan faintly whispered, "Perhaps, after all, you were mistaken last night; you may not have a genuine experience of salvation." He suggested also, "You do not feel quite so joyful as you did." In spite of all this, I knew that a great change had taken place in me. Some whom I had previously hated, I now most tenderly loved. Life had a new charm for me, and I remarked to my mother that it seemed that I had just begun to live. So in spite of all the doubts suggested by the evil one, I testified publicly how God had most wonderfully blessed me. While testifying, I was blessed again.

FEELINGS

I now turned my attention toward my feelings and decided that the normal experience of the Christian was to be happy and joyful constantly. My joy soon settled down into a deep, calm peace. Soon the enemy began to suggest, "Where is your joy? You must be losing out." At these times I tried to stir my emotions again by meditation and earnest prayer. However, I was not always successful; and often great distress settled over my spirit. Sometimes I would almost decide that I must be unsaved, although I also had victory over the sins that formerly held me in bondage, and my supreme desire was to do God's will in all things. Yet my feelings were so variable that perhaps one day I would feel glad and joyful and would conclude that I was truly saved. At such times I would decide never to doubt my experience again; then probably the next day, if not the very same day, my feelings would change, and the old doubts would come back again.

SEVERE TEMPTATIONS

I was also surprized in another respect. The old temptations that had seemingly left me never to return, as I had hoped, came back with renewed force. By earnest prayer, however, I obtained complete deliverance. This taught me the necessity of watching and praying.

RESTITUTION

After some time I received light on the subject of restitution. Although I had never committed any grave or serious wrongs against any one, yet I need to confess some things and to make proper restitution to certain individuals. This was very humbling to me, as I was generally considered a good boy and a model young man in the community where I was born and reared and where I still resided at the time of my restoration to the favor of God. In fact, many seemed to believe that I was a pretty good Christian at the very time I was in my backslidden condition. It, therefore, took a great deal of grace to humble myself sufficiently to make these wrongs right. However, I was always blessed in making the required restitution.

GOING TO EXTREMES

At first Satan tried to keep me from making any restitution. Then, after I had started, and he saw he could not prevent me, he pushed me to the other extreme. One little neglect or forgetfulness after another came to mind until it seemed to me there would be no end of making reparation. These little shortcomings were so trivial in their nature that, as I now review them, I am convinced that they were either no wrongs at all or else merely mistakes resulting from a lack of wisdom or knowledge, and that they had been readily overlooked at the time or soon forgotten by all parties concerned until my own mind began to search for them.