"Because it shortens life."
The health journals and the doctors all agree that the best and most wholesome part of the New England country doughnut is the hole. The larger the hole, they say, the better the doughnut.
An old gentleman who was in the habit of eating a liberal slice of pie or cake just before retiring, came home late one evening after his wife had gone to bed. After an unsuccessful search in the pantry, he called to his wife, "Mary, where is the pie?" His good wife timidly acknowledged that there was no pie in the house. Said her husband, "Then where is the cake?" The poor woman meekly confessed that the supply of cake was also exhausted; at which the disappointed husband cried out in a sharp, censorious tone, "Why, what would you do if somebody should be sick in the night?"
Woman (to tramp)—"I can give you some cold buckwheat cakes and a piece of mince pie." Tramp—(frightened) "What ye say?" Woman—"Cold buckwheat cakes and mince pie." Tramp—(heroically) "Throw in a small bottle of pepsin, Madam, and I'll take the chances."
GRAVIES AND SAUCES
