“What is that?” we asked.
“One of ye commit suicide!” said the Doc., laughing.
“By Jove! That’s a good idea!” I cried. “We’ll both try it.”
“Don’t be a fool!” he began sharply, then—seeing the merriment in our eyes—“Oh! be natural! Be natural an’ you’ll bamboozle Æsculapius himself.” He dodged the pillow Hill threw at him and clattered down the stairs chuckling to himself.
Within five minutes of his going we decided to hang ourselves—“within limits”—on the way to Constantinople.
A little later the Pimple arrived, with the compliments and thanks of the Commandant to the Spook, and would the Spook be so kind as to dictate a telegram about us to the War Office? The Spook was most obliging, and somewhere amongst the Turkish archives at Constantinople the following telegram reposes:
“For over a year two officer prisoners here have spent much time in study of spiritualism and telepathy, and have shown increasing signs of mental derangement which recently have become very noticeable. I therefore summoned our military doctors Major Osman and Captain Suhbi Fahri who after examination diagnosed melancholia in the case of Hill and fixed delusion in the case of Jones and advised their despatch to Constantinople for observation and treatment. Doctors warn me these two officers may commit suicide or violence. I respectfully request I may be allowed to send them as soon as possible. Transport will be available in a few days when prisoners from Changri arrive. If permitted I shall send them with necessary escort under charge of my Interpreter who can watch and look after them en route and give any further information required by the specialists. Until his return may I have the services of the Changri Interpreter? My report together with the report of the doctors, follows by post. Submitted for favour of urgent orders.”
This spook-telegram was sent by the Commandant on 14th April, 1918, at 5 p.m. The same night the Spook dictated a report on our case, of a character so useful to the Constantinople specialists that Kiazim was thanked for it by his superiors at headquarters. The spook-report (which should also be among the Constantinople archives) is as follows:
“In reference to my wire of 14th April I beg to report as follows: As will be seen from the enclosed medical reports written by Major Osman and Captain Suhbi Fahri, the Military Medical Officers of Yozgad, there are two officers in this camp who are suffering from grave mental disease. The doctors recommend their despatch to Constantinople for observation and treatment, and I beg to urge that this be done as early as possible, as the doctors warn me they may commit suicide or violence, and I am anxious to avoid any such trouble in this camp.
“In addition to the information contained in the medical reports I beg to submit the following facts for guidance and consideration. The two officers are Lieut. Hill and Lieut. Jones. The former came here with the prisoners from Katia. The latter from Kut-el-Amara. I have made enquiries about both. I find Lieut. Hill has always been a remarkably silent and solitary man. He has the reputation of never speaking unless spoken to, and then only answers in monosyllables. During his stay here he has been growing more and more morose and gloomy. Lieut. Jones is regarded by his fellow-prisoners as eccentric and peculiar. I myself have noticed an increasing slovenliness in his dress since he came here. I learn that he has done a number of little things which caused his comrades to regard him as peculiar. For instance, sixteen months ago he spent a week sliding down the stairs in his house and calling himself the ‘Toboggan King.’ On another occasion when receiving a parcel from England in this office he expressed disgust at the ‘rubbish’ which was sent him, and drawing out a pocket-knife he slashed into ribbons a valuable waterproof sheet which had been included in his parcel. This was about a year ago.[[45]] Such appears to be the reputation of these two officers in the camp.