“No—no—not so bad,” Cecil stammered. “I didn’t think about it, then, in a way. It’s these two terms here that have been frightful.”
“And you’ve brooded over it till you’ve persuaded yourself that it’s something born with you, like a deformed hand or foot, that can’t be got rid of. Well, Aviolet, I tell you that you’ve taken to-day an enormous stride in the right direction, and I honour you for your pluck in doing so. Now then,” said the clergyman in a business-like tone, “what about the next step?”
“What shall I do, sir?”
“If you were a little older, I should say make a regular practice of Confession. But that’s hardly practicable at present. What you can do is this: make a most scrupulous daily examination of conscience and keep note of every failure in strict truth and accuracy. Keep before your mind the certainty that our Lord can and will help you to get the better of this weakness of yours. Tell yourself every day that you’re going to be absolutely straight, and open, and above-board in all your dealings. And above all, my dear boy, pray about it. Don’t wait till you’re in Chapel, on your knees, or till you’ve time to make a long prayer. It’s the fervour you put into it, not the number of words, that counts. I’m not going to give you any books to read, or anything of that kind, but if you want me, you can simply come here and find me.”
“You don’t think I’m utterly rotten, then, sir?”
“No!” roared Perriman. “Get that idea out of your head once for all. Haven’t you read your New Testament? Whose part did Christ always take? That of the sinner—the woman taken in adultery, the Magdalen, the thief on the cross. We’re here to try and imitate our Master, not to fly in the face of everything He ever taught by despising other people. I tell you, sinners were His specialty.”
He suddenly grew calm again.
“If you came to me to-morrow, Aviolet, and said you’d told a lie as big as the house, I should only trust you the more because you’d told me, and hope you’d do better next day. Well, multiply that attitude by a thousandfold, and you’ll get some faint shadow of a reflection of God’s attitude towards sinners.”
Cecil drew a long breath. “I’ll try, sir. Thanks most awfully. You’ve made everything look quite different. I—I think I was in despair pretty nearly.”
“That’s all over now,” Perriman said firmly. “Don’t think about the past any more. Now, is there anything else you want to ask me? Take your time.”