Q. What do you understand by a quorum, a minute book, &c.? A. A quorum is a question asked at a meeting which the chairman is unable to answer. A minute book is a book kept, with the exact number of minutes allotted to the speakers at a meeting.
Q. What are the duties of the chairman? A. The chairman performs the doxology.
Q. What remedy would you suggest for burns? A. Stripes of hot vinegar are very affecting.
At the end of many days’ revision of such-like skimble-skamble stuff an inspector wrote: “Complaint is sometimes made that the training colleges do not provide sufficient accommodation for all the applicants, but the plain inference from the perusal of these papers, having due regard to the spelling, the grammar, and the acquaintance with the subject shown by the candidates, is that a kindergarten class in an idiot asylum would be a more fitting place of learning.”
It will have been seen that our Errata are secular. We did not examine in divinity. But twice a year, at one time, I used to meet Diocesan inspectors, who kept large volumes of the most hideous blunders in their own subject. One of these I remember for its exceeding ingenuity. The question was, “What do you mean by ‘a graven image’?” And the answer was “An idle maid with hands.” Now it is clear to my mind that this is not to be regarded as bad spelling; but that the definition had been given orally, and that the impression produced on the child’s mind was that of a naughty girl “as didn’t do no work though she had hands to do it with.” And I think she had heard her father accuse her mother of “doin’ nothink but set theer like a bloomin’ image.” Then she combined the ideas.
To this I would add a delightful blend from a pupil teacher examination:
When the Israelites had gone God told Noah to go out into the city and tell all the Israelites that if King Pharoah did not let the people go he would drown the world. And it came to pass, when God did drown the world, and all the beasts and every living creature in it. During the flood God told Noah to build an ark and it was to float on top of the water. In it save Noah and his family and with the two tables of stone: &c., &c.
FOOTNOTES:
[38] In all cases except those marked with an asterisk, the answers are copied verbatim et literatim from the originals: in most cases I have the name of the writer, or of the school, or centre of examination. The starred answers are supplied by colleagues, and may be considered authentic.
And in all cases the Spelling, the Grammar, and the Punctuation are original. “For Heaven’s sake, reader, take them not for mine.”