Yes, I could, freely, promptly and fully forgive him, on the gospel condition of practical repentance. This condition could secure it, and this alone. As I understand Christ’s teachings, he does not allow me to forgive him until he does repent, and in some sense make restitution. He directs me to forgive my brother if he repent—yea, if he sins and repents seventy times seven, I must forgive as many times. But if he does not repent, I am not allowed to forgive him. And so long as he insists upon it, both by word and deed, that he has done only what was right for him to do, and that he shall do the same thing again, if he has a chance to, I do not see any chance for me to bestow my forgiveness upon a penitent transgressor.
He feels that I am the one to ask forgiveness, for not yielding my opinions to his dictation, instead of causing him so much trouble in trying to bring me under subjection to his will, in this particular. He does not claim that I ever resisted his will in any other particular—and I have not felt it my duty to do so. I had rather yield than quarrel any time, where conscience is not concerned. He knows I have done so, for twenty-one years of married life. But to tell a lie, and be false to my honest convictions, by saying, I believed what I did not believe, I could not be made to do.
My truth loving nature could never be subjected to falsify itself—I must and shall be honest and truthful. And although King David said in his haste, “all men are liars,” I rejoice he did not say all women were, for then there would have been no chance for my vindication of myself as a truthful woman! This one thing is certain, I have been imprisoned three years because I could not tell a lie, and now I think it would be bad business for me to commence at this late hour.
I cannot love oppression, wrong, or injustice under any circumstances. But on the contrary, I do hate it, while at the same time I can love the sinner who thus sins; for I find it in my heart to forgive to any extent the penitent transgressor. I am not conscious of feeling one particle of revengeful feeling towards Mr. Packard, while at the same time I feel the deepest kind of indignation at his abuses of me. And furthermore, I really feel that if any individual ever deserved penitentiary punishment, Mr. Packard does, for his treatment of me. Still, I would not inflict any punishment, upon him—for this business of punishing my enemies I am perfectly content to leave entirely with my Heavenly Father, as he requires me to do, as I understand his directions. And my heart daily thanks God that it is not my business to punish him. One sinner has no right to punish another sinner. God, our Common Father, is the only being who holds this right to punish any of his great family of human children.
All that is required of me is, to do him good, and to protect myself from his abuse as best I can; and it is not doing him good to forgive him before he repents. It is reversing God’s order. It is not to criminate him that I have laid the truth before the public. Duty demands it as an act of self-defence on my part, and a defence of the rights of that oppressed class of married women which my case represents. I do not ask for him to be punished at any human tribunal; all I ask is, protection for myself, and also the class I represent.
One other fact it may be well here to mention, and that is: I have withdrawn all fellowship with him in his present attitude towards me. I do not so much as speak or write to him, and this I do from the principle of self-defence, and not from a spirit of revenge. I know all my words and actions are looked upon through a very distorted medium, and whatever I say or do, he weaves into capital to carry on his persecution with. And I think I have Christ’s example too as my defence in this course; for when he was convinced his persecutors questioned him only for the purpose of catching him in his words, “he was speechless.” I have said all I have to say to Mr. Packard in his present character. But when he repents, I will forgive him, and restore him to full communion.
Fifth Question.
“In what estimation is Mr. Packard held in the region where these scenes were enacted?”
Where the truth is known, and as the revelations of the court room developed the facts exactly as they were found to exist, the popular verdict is decidedly against him. Indeed, the tide of popular indignation rises very high among that class, who defend religious liberty and equal rights, free thought, free speech, free press.
I state this as a fact which my own personal observation demonstrates. In canvassing for my book in many of the largest cities in the State of Illinois, I had ample opportunity to test this truth, and were I to transcribe a tithe of the expressions of this indignant feeling which I alone have heard, it would swell this pamphlet to a mammoth size. A few specimen expressions must therefore be taken as a fair representation of this popular indignation. “Mr. Packard cannot enter our State without being in danger of being lynched,” is an expression I have often heard made from the common people.