“Yes,” said I, “I should be very glad of one,” and taking his arm, I walked out of the hall. As I passed on, one of the attendants remarked: “See, she is not alienated from her husband, see how kindly she takes his arm!” When we reached the parlor, I seated myself by his side, on the sofa, and gave full vent to my long pent up emotions and feelings.
“O, husband!” said I, “how can you leave me in such a place? It seems as though I cannot bear it. And my darling babe! O, what will become of him! How can he live without his mother! And how can I live without my babe, and my children! O, do, do, I beg of you, take me home. You know I have always been a true and loving wife to you, and how can you treat me so?” My entreaties and prayers were accompanied with my tears, which is a very uncommon manifestation with me; and while I talked, I arose from my seat and walked the room, with my handkerchief to my eyes; for it seemed as if my heart would break. Getting no response whatever from him, I took down my hand to see why he did not speak to me when—what did I see! my husband sound asleep, nodding his head!
“O, husband!” said I, “can you sleep while your wife is in such agony?”
Said he, “I can’t keep awake; I have been broke of my rest.”
“I see,” said I, “there is no use in trying to move your feelings, we may as well say our ‘good bye’ now as ever.” And as I bestowed upon him the parting kiss, I said, “May our next meeting be in the spirit land! And if there you find yourself in a sphere of lower development than myself; and you have any desire to rise to a higher plane, remember, there is one spirit in the universe, who will leave any height of enjoyment, and descend to any depth of misery, to raise you to a higher plane of happiness, if it is possible so to do. And that spirit is the spirit of your Elizabeth. Farewell! husband, forever!!”
This is the exact picture. Now see what use he makes of it. In his letter to my father, he says: “She did not like to be left. I pitied her.” (Pitied her! How was his sympathy manifested?) “It was an affecting scene. But she was very mad at me, and tried to wound my feelings every way. She would send no word to the children, and would not pleasantly bid me good bye.” Pleasantly was underlined, to make it appear, that, because I did not pleasantly bid him good bye, under these circumstances, I felt hard towards him, and this was a proof of my alienation, and is as strong a one as it is possible for him to bring in support of his charge.
Let the tender hearted mother draw her own inferences—man cannot know what I then suffered. And may a kind God grant, that no other mother may ever know what I then felt, in her own sad experience!
The truth is, I never was alienated from my husband, until he gave me just cause for this alienation, and not until he put me into the Asylum, and then it took four long months more, of the most intense spiritual torture, to develop in my loving, forgiving heart, one feeling of hate towards him. As proof of this, I will here insert two letters I wrote him several weeks after my incarceration.
Jacksonville, July 14th, 1860, Sabbath, P. M.