Another quaint whim in the form of an advertisement for a lost meerschaum is from an Australian paper:
"To Honest men and others,—Driving from Hale Town to Bridgetown, on Sunday, last, the advertiser lost a cigar holder with the face of a pretty girl on it. The intrinsic value of the missing article is small, but as the owner has been for the last few months converting the young lady from a blonde into a brunette, he would be glad to get it back again. If it was picked up by a gentleman, on reading this notice, he will, of course, send it to the address below. If it was picked up by a poor man, who could get a few shillings by selling it, on his bringing it to the address below, he shall be paid the full amount of its intrinsic value. If it was picked up by a thief, let him deliver it, and he shall be paid a like amount, and thus for once can do an honest action, without being a penny the worse for it."
A humorous writer thus discourses on man, who he denominates as "common clays":
"Yet we are all common clays! There are long clays and short clays, coarse clays and refined clays, and the latter are pretty scarce, that's a fact. To follow out the simile, life is the tobacco with which we are loaded, and when the vital spark is applied we live; when that tobacco is exhausted we die, the essence of our life ascending from the lukewarm clay when the last fibre burns out, as a curl of smoke from the ashes in the bowl of the pipe, and mingling with the perfumed breeze of heaven, or the hot breath of—well, never mind; we hope not. Then the clay is cold, and glows no more from the fire within; the pipe is broken, and ceases to comfort and console. We say, 'A friend has left us,' or 'Poor old Joe; his pipe is out.' We have all a certain supply of life, or, if we would pursue the comparison, a share of tobacco. Some young men smoke too rapidly, even voraciously, and thus exhaust their share before their proper time,—then we say they have 'lived too fast,' or 'pulled at their pipes too hard.' Others, on the contrary, make their limited supply go a long way, and when they are taking their last puffs of life's perfumed plant their energy is unimpaired; they can run a race, walk a mile with any one, and show few wrinkles upon their brow.
The Artist.
"A delicate person is like a pipe with a crack in the bowl, for it takes continued and careful pulling to keep his light in; and to take life is like willfully dashing a lighted pipe from the mouth into fragments, and scattering the sparks to the four winds of heaven. An artist is a good coloring pipe; an attractive orator is a pipe that draws well; a communist is a foul pipe; a well-educated woman whose conversation is attractive is a pipe with a nice mouthpiece; a girl of the period is a fancy pipe, the ornament of which is liable to chip; a female orator on woman's rights is invariably a plain pipe; an old toper is a well-seasoned pipe; an escaped thief is a cutty pipe, and the policeman in pursuit is a shilling pipe, for is he not a Bob?"
From these ingenious "conceits" we turn to a few thoughts on the present condition and history of the plant.