There is something strange in that. I have still more to write. The bell has rung—the electric-bell which rings in Moxon's room. Probably it is a tradesman whose account is settled by cheque, and sealed up in one of those envelopes on my desk. Shall I answer it? It has just rung again. He will ring once more, perhaps, and then go away.
He has rung once more. If I could only see the doorstep from the window! Oh!—but let him ring and go away! Let him go on ringing! He will soon tire of it, and I shall be left in peace.
CHAPTER VII
I have never yet determined to my satisfaction whether Life be merely the spinning of a coin or a great scheme working itself towards completion by a series of steps, undeviating in their perfect arithmetical progression.
I know it matters little, one way or the other. The thought only recurred to my mind by reason of the fact that had that bell been rung only four times, I should not have answered it. But it was rung five, whereupon it came to me in speculation that no tradesman would have such patience as that and, rising from my chair, I went into the hall. When I opened the door, there stood Clarissa.
I suppose it was amazement that deprived me of speech. For a moment I could but stand and gaze at her. There was not merely the astonishment in my mind at finding that it was she; there was bewilderment also at the change which had taken place in her. She looked ill. But it was not only that; she looked somehow in need of food. There was that nameless suggestion in her appearance as when a woman has ceased to care for her looks. It was apparent notwithstanding that her clothes were well made and costly. I knew that something had happened, but what with the amazement of seeing her there and the bewilderment at finding her as she was, between the two I was at a loss for words. It must have been half a minute that I stood waiting in silence, still holding to the handle of the door.
"What's the matter?" I asked at last.
"I want to see you," said she.
I held the door wide open for her to pass through, and as I realized from what her coming had saved me, all my body fell to shaking as though a fit of ague were upon me. I felt like one who, calm though he may have been when danger threatened, is made suddenly aware of it when it has passed.
"Go into my sitting-room," said I, and a moment later, when I had pulled myself together, I followed her.