Cole's Funny Picture Book No. 1

by E. W. Cole

Page 30—Boy's Stories

Tommy Trot, a man of law, Sold his bed and lay upon straw; Sold the straw and slept on grass, To buy his wife a looking-glass. — Little Jack Jingle, He used to live single; But when he got tired of this kind of life, He left off being single, and lived with his wife. — I'll tell you a story About Jack Nory,— And now my story's begun: I'll tell you another About Jack his brother,— And now my story's done. — Poor old Robinson Crusoe! Poor old Robinson Crusoe! They made him a coat Of an old nanny-goat, I wonder how they could do so! With a ring and a ting tang, And a ring and a ting tang, Poor old Robinson Crusoe! — "John, come sell thy fiddle, And buy thy wife a gown." "No; I'll not sell my fiddle For any wife in town." — Jacky, come give me thy fiddle If ever thou mean'st to thrive; Nay, I'll not give my fiddle To any man alive. If I should give my fiddle, They'll think that I'm gone mad, For many a joyful day My fiddle and I have had. — Jack was a fisherman Who went out one day, But couldn't catch a single fish, And so he came away. And then he came home, This angler so bold, And found he'd caught something— For he'd caught a cold. — The Queen of Hearts, She made some tarts, All on a summer day; The Knave of Hearts He stole those tarts And took them clean away. The King of Hearts Called for the tarts, And beat the knave full sore; The Knave of Hearts Brought back the tarts, And vowed he'd steal no more. — Charley Wag Ate the pudding and left the bag. —

Tom, The Piper's Son Tom, Tom, the piper's son, Stole a pig and away did run! The pig he eat, and Tom they beat, And Tom went roaring down the street. Tom, he was a piper's son: He learned to play when he was young: But all the tunes that he could play Was, "Over the hills and far away; Over the hills and a great way off, And the wind will blow my topknot off." Now Tom with his pipe made such a noise, That he pleased both the girls and the boys, And they stopped to hear him play "Over the hills and far away."

Tom with his pipe did play with such skill, That those who heard him could never keep still: Whenever they heard they began for to dance, Even the pigs on their hind legs would after him prance. As Dolly was milking her cow one day, Tom took out his pipe and began for to play; So Doll and the cow danced "the Cheshire round," Till the pail they broke and the milk ran on the ground. He met old Dame Trot with a basket of eggs, He used his pipe and she used her legs; She danced about till all the eggs she broke, She began for to fret, but he laughed at the joke. He saw a cross fellow beating an ass, Heavily laden with pots, pans, dishes and glass; He took out his pipe and played them a tune, And the jackass did kick off his load very soon. Tom met the parson on his way, Took out his pipe, began to play A merry tune that led his grace Into a very muddy place. The mayor then said he would not fail To send poor Tommy off to gaol. Tom took his pipe, began to play, And all the court soon danced away. 'Twas quite a treat to see the rout, How clerks and judges hopped about; While Tommy still kept playing the tune, "I'll be free this afternoon." The Policeman Grab, who held him fast, Began to dance about at last; Whilst Tom, delighted at the fun, Slipped out of court and off did run. — Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief, Taffy came to my house, and stole a piece of beef. I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was not at home; Taffy came to my house and stole a marrow-bone. I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was not in. Taffy came to my house, and stole a silver pin. I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was in bed. I took up a poker and flung it at his head. — Old King Cole Was a merry old soul, And a merry old soul was he; He called for his pipe, And he called for his bowl, And he called for his fiddlers three. — Peter White will ne'er go right; Would you know the reason why? He follows his nose where'er he goes, And that stands all awry.

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Page 31—Boy Land

The House That Jack Built This is the house that Jack built. This is the malt That lay in the house that Jack built. This is the rat, That ate the malt, That lay in the house that Jack built. This is the cat, That killed the rat, That ate the malt, That lay in the house that Jack built. This is the dog, That worried the cat, That killed the rat, That ate the malt, That lay in the house that Jack built. This is the cow with the crumpled horn, That tossed the dog, That worried the cat, That killed the rat, That ate the malt, That lay in the house that Jack built. This is the maiden all forlorn, That milked the cow with the crumpled horn, That tossed the dog, That worried the cat, That killed the rat, That ate the malt, That lay in the house that Jack built. This is the man all tattered and torn, That kissed the maiden all forlorn, That milked the cow with the crumpled horn, That tossed the dog, That worried the cat, That killed the rat, That ate the malt, That lay in the house that Jack built. This is the priest all shaven and shorn, That married the man all tattered and torn, That kissed the maiden all forlorn, That milked the cow with the crumpled horn, That tossed the dog, That worried the cat, That killed the rat, That ate the malt, That lay in the house that Jack built. This is the cock that crowed in the morn, That awaked the priest all shaven and shorn, That married the man all tattered and torn, That kissed the maiden all forlorn, That milked the cow with the crumpled horn, That tossed the dog, That worried the cat, That killed the rat, That ate the malt, That lay in the house that Jack built. This is the farmer sowing his corn, That kept the cock that crowed in the morn, That awaked the priest all shaven and shorn, That married the man all tattered and torn, That kissed the maiden all forlorn, That milked the cow with the crumpled horn, That tossed the dog, That worried the cat, That killed the rat, That ate the malt, That lay in the house that Jack built.

Simple Simon Simple Simon met a pieman Going to the fair; Says Simple Simon to the pieman: "Let me taste your ware." Says the pieman to Simple Simon, "Show me first the penny." Says Simple Simon to the pieman: "Indeed I have not any." Simple Simon went a-fishing For to catch a whale— All the water he had got Was in his mother's pail. Simple Simon went to look If plums grew on a thistle; He pricked his fingers very much, Which made poor Simon whistle. He went to catch a dicky bird, And thought he could not fail Because he'd got a little salt To put upon it's tail. Then Simple Simon went-a-hunting, For to catch a hare. He rode on a goat about the street, But could not find one there. Simon made a great snowball, And brought it in to roast; He laid it down before the fire, And soon the ball was lost. Simple Simon went a-skating When the ice was thin, And Simon was astonished quite To find he tumbled in. And Simon he would honey eat Out of the mustard pot; He bit his tongue until he cried: "That was all the good he got."