Cole's Funny Picture Book No. 1

by E. W. Cole

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Page 103—Old Men Tales

The Diverting History Of John Gilpin John Gilpin was a citizen Of credit and renown, A train-bound Captain eke was he Of famous London town. John Gilpin's spouse said to her dear, Though we have wedded been, These twice ten tedious years, yet we No holiday have seen. To-morrow is our wedding-day, And we then will repair Unto the "Bell" at Edmonton, All in a chaise and pair, My sister and my sister's child, Myself and children three, Will fill the chaise, so you must ride On horse-back after we. He soon replied—I do admire Of womankind but one, And you are she, my dearest dear, Therefore it shall be done, I am a linen-draper bold, As all the world doth know, And my good friend the Calender, Will lend his horse to go. Quoth Mrs Gilpin—That's well said; And for that wind is dear, We will be furnished with our own, Which is both bright and clear; John Gilpin kiss'd his loving wife, O'erjoyed was he to find That, though on pleasure she was bent, She had a frugal mind. The morning came, the chaise was brought, And yet was not allow'd To drive up to the door, lest all Should say that she was proud; So three doors off the post was stayed, Where they did all get in, Six precious souls, and all agog To dash through thick and thin. Smack went the whip, round went the wheels, Were never folks so glad, The stones did rattle underneath As if Cheapside were mad; John Gilpin at his horse's side Seized fast the flowing mane, And up he got in haste to ride, But soon came down again. For saddle-tree scarce reached had he, His journey to begin, When turning round his head, he saw Three customers come in; So down he came—for loss of time, Although it grieved him sore, Yet loss of pence, full well he knew, Would trouble him much more. 'Twas long before the customers Were suited to their mind, When Betty, screaming, came down the stairs, "The wine is left behind." Good lack! quoth he, yet bring it me, My leathern belt likewise, In which I bear my trusty sword When I do exercise. Now, Mistress Gilpin, careful soul, Had two stone bottles found, To hold the liquor that she loved, And keep it safe and sound, Each bottle had a curling ear, Through which the belt he drew, And hung a bottle on each side, To make his balance true. Then over all, that he might be Equipp'd from top to toe, His long red cloak, well brush'd and neat, He manfully did throw, Now see him mounted once again Upon his nimble steed, Full slowly pacing o'er the stones With caution and good heed. But, finding soon a smoother road Beneath his well-shod feet, The snorting beast began to trot, Which gall'd him in his seat, So, "Fair and softly," John, he cried, But John, he cried in vain; That trot became a gallop soon, In spite of curb and rein. So, stooping down, as needs he must, Who cannot sit upright, He grasp'd the mane with both his hands, And eke with all his might, His horse, who never in that sort, Had handled been before, What thing upon his back had got Did wonder more and more. Away went Gilpin, neck or nought, Away went hat and wig, He little dreamt when he set out Of running such a rig; The wind did blow, the cloak did fly, Like streamer long and gay, Till, loop and button failing both, At last it flew away. Then might people well discern The bottles he had slung, A bottle swinging at each side, As had been said or sung, The dogs did bark, the children scream'd, Up flew the windows all, And ev'ry soul cried out, Well done! As loud as he could bawl. Away went Gilpin—who but he, His fame soon spread around— He carries weight, he rides a race! 'Tis for a thousand pound! And still as fast as he drew near, 'Twas wonderful to view How in a trice the turnpike men Their gates wide open flew. And now as he went bowing down His reeking head full low, The bottles twain behind his back Were shatter'd at a blow; Down ran the wine into the road, Most piteous to be seen, Which made his horses flanks to smoke, As they had basted been. But still he seemed to carry weight, With leathern girdle braced, For all might see the bottle-necks Still dangling at his waist; Thus all through merry Islington These gambols did he play, And till he came into the Wash Of Edmonton so gay. And there he threw the wash about On both sides of the way, Just like unto a trundling mop, Or a wild goose at play. At Edmonton his loving wife From the balcony spied Her tender husband, wond'ring much To see how he did ride. Stop, stop, John Gilpin!—Here's the house— They all at once did cry, The dinner waits, and we are tired— Said Gilpin—So am I; But yet this horse was not a whit Inclined to tarry there— For why? His owner had a house Full ten miles off, at Ware. So, like an arrow, swift he flew, Shot by an archer strong; So did he fly—which brings me to The middle of my song. Away went Gilpin, out of breath, And sore against his will, Till at his friend the Calender's His horse at last stood still. The Calender, amazed to see His neighbour in such trim, Laid down his pipe, flew to the gate, And thus accosted him:— What news? what news? your tidings tell! Tell me you must and shall— Say why bare-headed you are come, Or why you come at all? Now, Gilpin had a pleasant wit, And loved a timely joke, And thus unto the Calender, In merry guise he spoke— I came because your horse would come, And if I well forbode, My hat and wig will soon be here, They are upon the road. The Calender, right glad to find His friend in merry pin, Return'd him not a single word, But to the house went in. When straight he came with hat and wig— A wig that flow'd behind; A hat not much the worse of wear— Each comely in its kind. He held them up, and in its turn Thus showed his ready wit— My head is twice as big as yours, They therefore needs must fit. But let me scrape the dirt away That hangs upon your face, And stop and eat, for well you may Be in a hungry case. Said John, It is my wedding-day, And all the world would stare, If wife should dine at Edmonton, And I should dine at Ware. So, turning to his horse, he said— I am in haste to dine, 'Twas for your pleasure you came here, You shall go back for mine. Ah, luckless speech, and bootless boast, For which he paid full dear; For while he spake, a braying ass Did sing most loud and clear, Whereat his horse did snort as he Had heard a lion's roar, And gallop'd off with all his might, As he had done before. Away went Gilpin, and away Went Gilpin's hat and wig; He lost them sooner than the first, For why? they were too big. Now, Mistress Gilpin when she saw Her husband posting down Into the country, far away, She pulled out half-a-crown. And thus unto the youth she said That drove them to the "Bell"— This shall be yours when you bring back My husband safe and well; The youth did ride, and soon did meet John coming back again, Whom in a trice, he tried to stop By catching at his rein. But, not performing what he meant, And gladly would have done, The frightened steed he frightened more, And made him faster run; Away went Gilpin, and away Went post-boy at his heels— The post-boy's horse right glad to miss The lumbering of the wheels. Six gentlemen upon the road, Thus seeing Gilpin fly, With post-boy scamp'ring in the rear, They raised the hue and cry:— Stop thief! stop thief!—a highwayman! An all and each that pass'd the way Did join in the pursuit. And now the turnpike gates again Flew open in short space— The toll-men thinking as before, That Gilpin rode a race; And so he did, and won it, too, For he got first to town: Nor stopp'd till, where he had got up, He did again get down, Now let us sing: Long live the king, And Gilpin, long live he; And when he next doth ride abroad, May I be there to see.

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Page 104—Song Of The Book Arcade

Books teach the children of men in many million schools;
Books make the difference between earth's learned and its fools.

Song Of The Book Arcade Cole's Book Arcade, Cole's Book Arcade It is in Melbourne town, Of all the book stores in the land It has the most renown, It was the first, first Book Arcade That in the world was found; It's still the finest Book Arcade In all the world around. A lovely rainbow sign appears Above the Book Arcade And 'tis the very grandest sign Was ever yet displayed. Full forty thousand sorts of books Are stored within its walls, Which can be seen, looked at or bought, By anyone that calls. The book you wish, the book you want, Is almost sure to be Found somewhere in the Book Arcade, If you will call and see.

(Our Australian Choir has Cockatoos, Laughing Jackasses, Native Bears, Platypusses, Black Swans, Emus, Magpies, Opossums, and Lyre Birds, also a BUNYIP to sing deep bass, all the other Animals in the World sing the chorus, each in his natural voice. The tune is "MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB.")

Value Of Books BOOKS should be found in every house To form and feed the mind; They are the best of luxuries 'Tis possible to find. For all the books in all the world Are man's greatest treasure; They make him wish, and bring to him His best, his choicest pleasure. BOOKS make his time pass happily Through many weary hours; Amuse, compose, instruct his mind, Enlarge his mental powers. BOOKS give to him the history Of each and every land; BOOKS show him human action's past— The bad, the good, the grand. BOOKS show him arts, laws, learnings, faiths Of every time and place; BOOKS show him how each thing is made Used by the human race.