'Do the doors creek on their hinges?' asked I.
'That they don't,' said she, 'for I oiled 'em all only yesterday.'
'Then you shewed a depraved taste,' cried I. 'At least, are the apartments haunted?'
'Lauk, no!' said she, half shutting the door.
'Well then, my good girl, tell me candidly whether your mistress is like the landladies one reads of. Is she a fat, bustling little woman, who would treat me to tea, cakes, and plenty of gossip, and at the end of a week, say to me, "out, hussy, tramp this moment;" or is she a pale, placid matron, worn to a thread-paper, and whose story is interwoven with mine?'
'Deuce take your impudence!' cried she, slapping the door in my face.
I tried other houses with no better success; and even when I merely asked for common lodgings, without stipulating for spectres or tapestry, the people would not accommodate me, unless I could procure some recommendation besides my own.
As I had no friend to give me a character, it became necessary to make a friend; so I began to look about for a fit subject. Passing a shop where eggs and butter were sold, and lodgings to be let, I perceived a pretty woman sitting behind the counter, and a fine infant playing upon it. I thought that all this bore an auspicious appearance; so I tottered into the shop, and placing myself opposite to the woman, I gazed at her with an engaging and gentle intelligence. She demanded my business.
'Interesting creature!' whispered I, pressing her hand as it rested on the counter. 'O may that little rosy fatling——'
Unfortunately there was an egg in the hand that I took, which I crushed by the compression, and the yolk came oozing between her fingers.