"Decide then; decide, decide this instant moment if you call yourself a man. Why should I breathe the same air as you and suffer what I'm suffering now while you make up your mind? Why should you have to make up your mind? What devil's got in you to make you doubt a woman like me? Or do you doubt all women? If you do, you're mad and ought to be locked up. When I think of it, I wish to Christ this river had drowned me into peace afore ever I gave myself to you at all."
She flung herself on the ground and wept; her anger expired. She was only bitterly conscious of dishonour and degradation. Not built to suffer very deeply, or very long, suffering, when it did come, broke like a hurricane over Margery and beat her down before its onset. But she had a spirit to spring up again, a spirit avid for such hope and happiness as might be within reach. It was a spirit as innocent as a child's, and her pleasures were such that any child might have shared them with her.
Jacob Bullstone slowly expressed contrition. He imagined that he believed her; and the conviction plunged through his soul, sweeping bare the rocks and channels. It was real and did a temporary, cathartic work; but while it cleansed the stuff he was made of, it could not alter the stuff. By an effort of will be abased himself. He knelt down beside her and prayed for forgiveness. He poured scorn upon himself and talked until, knowing that much speech was foreign to him, Margery began to be fearful of this phenomenon and her tears dried. She bade him cease at last; but he persisted and showed himself a new man in her eyes—a strange man, whom she presently began to pity. She knew that Jacob would never be the same to her again; but she did not know whether he would stand ultimately higher, or lower, as a result of what had happened between them. She was weary and unspeakably sorrowful, for her heart could not be hard and her natural sympathies were large. He seemed to roll back time and even speak with the voice of the lover from the far past. He pleaded for absolute forgiveness; he was very humble and he promised on his oath to change from that hour.
"God helping," he said, "this is a day that shall see us nearer and dearer to each other than ever we have been. And I ask you to forgive, because I want you to do that before you see what I shall do, Margery, and not afterwards. Bear with me if you can a bit longer yet; trust the future till I show you what I'll make of it."
She was glad enough to accept all that he said and to express regret for her own words.
"Let us forget for mercy's sake. Let us forget every syllable and go on with our lives," she said.
"Forget never," he answered; "but go on with our lives we will. Watch me."
She had it on her lips to add:
"And for Christ's sake, don't watch me;" but she did not endanger the harmony now attained. She remembered how they had walked in this place as lovers, and she put her hand in his. Thus they went back silently together.