I praised this feat warmly after the service and Wardle was gratified that I had noticed it. Then I asked him why he did not commit such an improvisation to paper, so that it should not be lost, and he laughed and said:
“Why, it was a music-hall tune: ‘Father’s teeth are stopped with zinc!’”
He explained, to my great astonishment, that if you alter the time and the general hang of a tune, and play it with all the solemn notes and deep stops and flourishes of an organ, the most skillful ear is deceived. It was only another tribute to the man’s amazing cleverness; but somehow I felt disappointed that he should have done this thing. It seemed unworthy of him. He had a piano of his own, secured on the hire system; and upon this instrument, after dinner, he played me a great deal of his own music, including many of the numbers from a beautiful fairy opera that he had written with a friend—the words being by the friend.
“The libretto is footle,” confessed Wardle; “but if I could only get a libretto worth talking about, I should surprise some of us.”
I told him that he had already surprised me; but, of course, he meant the outer world of opera-goers and enthusiasts of music, who abound in London, and are to be seen thronging the great concert halls by night.
Another man of exceptional genius was Bassett—a volunteer and a crack shot. He belonged to the Artists’ Corps and was, you might say, every inch a soldier, in the complete disguise of an insurance clerk.
This martial man seemed always to be panting for bloodshed, and openly hoped that England would go to war with some important nation—in fact, one of the Great Powers for choice—before he was too old to participate in the struggle. He knew as much of our military heroes as Tomlinson knew of our racehorses. He was not content with being a sergeant in the Artists’ Corps and one of their leading marksmen, but also went into the deepest science of battle and tactics and strategy. He read war by day and he dreamed of war by night, and he would have liked to see conscription come in at any moment.
This fiery, but large-hearted man was very anxious for me to become a volunteer, and it was a great sorrow to me to find that he did not feel any further interest in me when I refused to do so, while thanking him heartily for the idea. He said that drilling was far better and more useful than going down to the L.A.C. to caper about half-naked, and that if I did regular drills and so on, I should in time come to the Field Days, and have all the joy of forced marches and maneuvers at Easter, and sleeping under canvas, and going on sentry duty by night and waking to the ringing sound of the trumpet at dawn.
But none of these things tempted me as much as Bassett expected. In fact, I had already discovered in earlier life that the god Mars was nothing to me. Bassett said that he didn’t know what the young generation was coming to when I told him this, and he hinted, rather openly, that I was unpatriotic. But I would not allow that I was. I said:
“We can’t all be volunteers, any more than we can all be proper soldiers.”