Once they spoke at some length together, for he was riding back to the farm for an hour or two. The time was dry and cold. A powder of snow scattered the ground, but the air braced, though the grey north spoke of heavier snow to come.
"You never asked me about all my adventures when I was away, Sarah Jane," he said. "I had such a number of things to tell you, but unkind fate seems to make it impossible for me to talk to the one person in the world I love to talk to."
"What silliness! I'm sure John Prout's a better listener than me."
"Prout's an old woman—you're a young one. That's the difference. He bothers over my health as if he was my mother. You don't let that trouble you, Sarah Jane?"
"Indeed but I do. 'Twas only a bit agone, at your gate, I was asking Susan if you took your milk regular, and ate your meat as you should. And when she said what a poor feeder you was, I blamed her cooking, and told her I'd bring a recipe or two from Tabitha, who knows the things you like. And I did."
"If you're hungry one way, you've no appetite another. Let me tell you about myself. We always want to talk of ourselves when we're miserable, and only care to hear about other people when we're happy. I went to seek peace and I found none. Nobody comforted me—nobody knew how to. Nobody knew Sarah Jane, and that was the only subject that could interest me."
"Doan't 'e begin that foolishness again. I had hoped so much as you might have found a proper maiden to love you and marry you."
"Who can love me? No, I don't ask that now. But—oh, Sarah Jane, I do ask you to see me sometimes—only very seldom—so that I may hear your voice and look into your eyes."
"Dan——"
"Is it my fault? Can you help loving your husband or your child? Can I help loving you? No—don't look wild and wretched, as if you thought you were going to be caught in a thunderstorm. I do love you, and only you; and my love for you is the only thing that kept me from going mad in London. You can buy sham love there, and sham diamonds, and sham everything. Shams are on sale to suit all purses. Once, when first I went there, I enjoyed them—not now. There's only one real love and one real woman in the world now. But don't be frightened, Sarah Jane. The knights of old loved just as I love you—a love as sweet and clean and honest, as reason is sweet and clean and honest. I only want to make you happier. The happier you are, the happier I shall be. You can't be angry with me for wanting to make you and yours happy. You might see me sometimes. It would be to lengthen my days if you would."