The battle of Gettysburg has been fought. That single thing that makes or destroys every man had come upon General Lee and commanded him to follow. In his case it was audacity. He had invaded Pennsylvania and been hurled back. And not long after I heard that Isabel's husband had been killed in that terrible battle. She did not write me. The silence of life had come over us.
I read the Gettysburg address of Lincoln. It moved me like a symphony. But I did not believe it to be true. This government was not conceived in liberty. It was not dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. We were not engaged in a strife which tested whether this government so conceived and so dedicated could survive. The South could have set up a separate government and the same liberty and the same equality which informed the union would have remained intact. Isabel's husband, and the other thousands who had died there had not consecrated the ground unless the Union meant something more than a union. It had to mean liberty and more than the emancipation of the negroes for that ground to be consecrated. And a few years later its glory was detracted from by the machinations of merchants who grew fat on the blood of that battle. And yet I was moved by Lincoln's words more profoundly than by anything that I had ever read.
CONCLUSION
It is April 23d, 1900. Three hundred and thirty-six years ago to-day a man named Shakespeare was born. He lived with some gnawing at his heart, wrote some plays, and died. He was wise enough, I fancy, to see that the joke is on those who remain in life, not those who leave it. Eighty-seven years ago to-day Stephen A. Douglas was born. He lived, stormed about these States, talked of great principles, was tossed aside by a squall on the universe of things, and died. It is now thirty-nine years since he summed up his life's wisdom in the words: "Tell my children to obey the laws and support the Constitution." That was about the summation of Socrates' wisdom, this matter of the laws, as he lay in prison opposite the Acropolis. He refused to walk forth free, except by the law. If I live until June the eighteenth I shall be eighty-five years of age. On the score of age I should feel much wiser than Douglas who died at forty-eight and Socrates who died at sixty. I feel that I am a good deal like Shakespeare. I have very little respect for the laws—at least for the written laws. I am not so sure about the higher law, if I am left to determine it. But in truth I am a good deal in doubt as to what is right, and what is wrong, what good and what evil. And I never know what the law is. I have wondered about it all my life. I have thought at times I knew, but I have been for the most part betrayed and fooled.
And why not now? Miss Sharpe, delicate, spiritual, active of mind, lives at the boarding house where I do. She thinks I am a fine old gentleman. She likes my society. I am to her taste interesting because I am experienced. I am richer intellectually than any man could be at an earlier age. She reads to me, often reads to me:
"Grow old along with me,
The best is yet to be,
The last of life for which the first was made."
How glorious is old age! She comforts me, makes me contented with my state at times; she makes me forget how I feel when I rise in the morning, stiff, bewildered, sometimes wondering where I am. She helps me to establish my mind when it thinks of too many things at once, and cannot choose for paltering and fumbling. I walk with a cane; but legs are nothing. The soul is the prize, the flower. My food does not digest itself well; my heart flutters and stumbles; my eyes refuse to work even with the best of glasses. The doctor says I have an old man's arteries. I know when my memory falters that it is due to the brain which has shrunk, and to the incrusted arteries which do not carry enough blood cells to the brain to give me memory. Still the best is yet to be, and this is now it. I think the law of old age will get me eventually just as the law of the new era caught Douglas and destroyed him.
It is thirty years now since the great Chicago fire swept my fortune away. I saved one lot out of the wreck. A skyscraper wanted it to complete its necessary ground space. So I leased it; and the rental keeps me. The lease will be out in 1989—but no matter for that. Between 1871 and 1890 I had a hard time of it. I tried to repair my fortune and couldn't do it. Then the building of skyscrapers struck Chicago, and I came into an income through this lease. I have a good room at the boarding house and all I wish of everything. Perhaps I shall revise my will and leave something to Miss Sharpe. I should like to depart from the customary bequests to hospitals and colleges. If the University founded by Douglas had not been taken over by the money made by the Standard Oil Company I might give something to it. Some say that the University stands for spiritual hardness, a Darwinian scientific which distinguished Douglas, but I am not sure. Yes, I believe I shall revise my will in favor of Miss Sharpe. Sometimes I suspect that she wants to marry me. She talks of nothing but the soul, as Isabel did in Rome. I am sure I have plenty of soul. I have no one else to give my money to but Miss Sharpe. My boy died in the middle sixties.
As for the rest, they are all gone. Zoe and I lived happily together until the rage of the influenza in 1889; then she died. Mr. Williams, Abigail, Aldington passed away and were buried in a cemetery about a mile north of the river. Then their bodies were removed somewhere, for the cemetery was turned into a park. Lincoln Park it is now. Reverdy, Sarah, gave up the battle years ago. They went to sleep by the side of their son, Amos, who was killed in the battle of Belmont. Their other children are scattered to unknown quarters. I know not if they live.