The marriage ceremonies vary according to locality, and the following details of one form therefore, as carried out at Coimbatore, may be cited. When a marriage between two persons is contemplated, a red and white flower, tied up in separate betel leaves, are thrown before the idol at a temple. A little child is told to pick up one of the leaves, and, if she selects the one containing the white flower, the omens are considered auspicious, and the marriage will be arranged. On the day of the betrothal, the future bridegroom’s father and other relations go to the girl’s house with presents of a new cloth, fruits, and ornaments. The bride price (pariyam) is paid, and betel exchanged. The bridegroom-elect goes to the girl’s cousins (maternal uncle’s sons), who have a right to marry her, and presents them with four annas and betel. The acceptance of these is a sign that they consent to the marriage. On the marriage day, the bridegroom plants the milk-post, after it has been blessed by a Brāhman purōhit, and is shaved by a barber. The bride and her female relations fetch some earth, and a platform is made out of it in the marriage pandal (booth). The Brāhman makes fire (hōmam), and places a cowdung Pillayar (Ganēsa) in the pandal. The bride then husks some rice therein. The relations of the bride and bridegroom fetch from the potter’s house seven pots called adukupānai, two large pots, called arasānipānai, and seven earthen trays, and place them in front of the platform. The pots are filled with water, and a small bit of gold is placed in each. The bridegroom goes to a Pillayar shrine, and, on his return, the bride’s brother washes his feet, and puts rings on his second toes. The kankanams (wrist-threads) are tied on the wrists of the contracting couple, and the bridegroom takes his seat within the pandal, to which the bride is carried in the arms of one of her maternal uncles, while another carries a torch light placed on a mortar. The bride takes her seat by the side of the bridegroom, and the light is set in front of them. The tāli is taken round to be blessed by those assembled, and handed to the bridegroom, who ties it on the bride’s neck. The couple then put a little earth in each of the seven trays, and sow therein nine kinds of grain. Two vessels, containing milk and whey, are placed before them, and the relations pour a little thereof over their heads. The right hand of the bridegroom is placed on the left hand of the bride, and their hands are tied together by one of the bride’s maternal uncle’s sons. The bride is then carried into the house in the arms of an elder brother of the bridegroom. At the threshold she is stopped by the maternal uncle’s sons, who may beat the man who is carrying her. The bridegroom pays them each four annas, and he and the bride are allowed to enter the house. On the night of the wedding day, they are shut up in a room. During the following days the pots are worshipped. On the seventh day, the ends of the cloths of the newly married couple are tied together, and they bathe in turmeric water. The wrist-threads are removed, they rub oil over each other’s heads, and bathe in a tank. The bride serves food to the bridegroom, and their relations eat off the same leaf, to indicate the union between the two families. Into one of the large pots a gold and silver ring, and into the other an iron style and piece of palm leaf are dropped. The couple perform the pot-searching ceremony, and whichever gets hold of the gold ring or style is regarded as the more clever of the two. The bridegroom places his right foot, and the bride her left foot on a grindstone, and they look at the star Arundathi. The stone represents Ahalliya, the wife of the sage Gautama, who was cursed by her husband for her misconduct with Indra, and turned into a stone, whereas Arundathi was the wife of Vasishta and a model of chastity. The newly married couple, by placing their feet on the stone, indicate their intention of checking unchaste desires, and by looking at Arundathi, of remaining faithful to each other. The bride decorates a small grindstone with a cloth and ornaments, and takes it round to all her relations who are present, and who bless her with a hope that she will have many children.
In the Marava country, a grown-up Idaiyan girl is sometimes married to a boy of ten or twelve. Among some Idaiyans, it is customary for the tāli to be tied by the sister of the bridegroom, and not by the bridegroom, who must not be present when it is done.
It is said that, in some places, like the Gollas, when an Idaiyan bridegroom sets out for the house of his bride, he is seized by his companions, who will not release him till he has paid a piece of gold. In the Madura Manual it is noted that “at an Idaiyan wedding, on the third day, when the favourite amusement of sprinkling turmeric-water over the guests is concluded, the whole party betake themselves to the village tank (pond). A friend of the bridegroom brings a hoe and a basket, and the young husband fills three baskets with earth from the bottom of the tank, while the wife takes them away, and throws the earth behind. They then say ‘We have dug a ditch for charity.’ This practice may probably be explained by remembering that, in arid districts, where the Idaiyans often tend their cattle, the tank is of the greatest importance.”
It is said that the Siviyan and Pendukkumekki sub-divisions take low rank, as the remarriage of widows is freely permitted among them. In the Ramnād territory of the Madura district, the marriage of widows is attributed to compulsion by a Zamindar. According to the story, the Zamindar asked an Idaiyan whether he would marry a widow. The reply was that widows are aruthukattādhavar, i.e., women who will not tie the tāli string again, after snapping it (on the husband’s decease). This was considered impertinent by the Zamindar, as marriage of widows was common among the Maravars. To compel the Idaiyans to resort to widow marriage, he took advantage of the ambiguity of the word aruthukattādhavar, which would also mean those who do not tie up in a bundle after cutting or reaping. At the time of the harvest season, the Zamindar sent his servants to the Idaiyans with orders that they were not to tie up the rice plants in sheaves. This led to severe monetary loss, and the Idaiyans consented reluctantly to widow remarriage.
On the death of a married Idaiyan, at Coimbatore, the corpse is placed in a seated posture. A measure of rice, a lighted lamp, and a cocoanut are placed near it, and burning fire-wood is laid at the door of the house. When the relations and friends have arrived, the body is removed from the house, and placed in a pandal, supported behind by a mortar. The male relations put on the sacred thread, and each brings a pot of water from a tank. The widow rubs oil over the head of the corpse, and some one, placing a little oil in the hands thereof, rubs it over her head. On the way to the burning-ground, a barber carries a fire-brand and a pot, and a washerman carries the mat, cloths, and other articles used by the deceased. When the idukādu, a spot made to represent the shrine of Arichandra who is in charge of the burial or burning ground, is reached, the polluted articles are thrown away, and the bier is placed on the ground. A Paraiyan makes a cross-mark at the four corners of the bier, and the son, who is chief mourner, places a small coin on three of the marks, leaving out the one at the north-east corner. The Paraiyan takes these coins and tears a bit of cloth from the winding-sheet, which is sent to the widow. At the burning-ground, the relations place rice, water, and small coins in the mouth of the corpse. The coins are the perquisite of the Paraiyan. The son, who is clean-shaved, carries a pot of water on his shoulder thrice round the pyre, and, at each turn, the barber makes a hole in it with a chank shell, when the head is reached. Finally the pot is broken near the head. The sacred threads are thrown by those who wear them on the pyre, and the son sets fire to it, and goes away without looking back. The widow meanwhile has broken her tāli string, and thrown it into a vessel of milk, which is set on the spot where the deceased breathed his last. The son, on his return home after bathing, steps across a pestle placed at the threshold. Ārathi (wave offering) is performed, and he worships a lighted lamp within the house. On the following day, rice and Sesbania grandiflora are cooked, and served to the relatives by the widow’s brothers. Next day, milk, ghī (clarified butter), curds, tender cocoanuts, nine kinds of grain, water, and other articles required for worship, are taken to the burning-ground. The smouldering ashes are extinguished with water, and the fragments of the bones are collected, and placed on a leaf. A miniature plough is made, and the spot on which the body was burned is ploughed, and the nine kinds of grain are sown. On his return home, a turban is placed on the head of the son who acted as chief mourner by his maternal uncles. A new cloth is folded, and on it a betel leaf is placed, which is worshipped for sixteen days. On the sixteenth day, a Brāhman makes a human figure with holy grass, which has to be worshipped by the chief mourner not less than twenty-five times, and he must bathe between each act of worship. The bones are then carried in a new earthen pot, and floated on a stream. At night, food is cooked, and, with a new cloth, worshipped. Rice is cooked at the door. A cock is tied to a sacrificial post, called kazhukumaram, set up outside the house, to which the rice is offered. One end of a thread is tied to the post, and the other end to a new cloth, which is worshipped inside the house. The thread is watched till it shakes, and then broken. The door is closed, and the cock is stuck on the pointed tip of the post, and killed. An empty car is carried in procession through the streets, and alms are given to beggars. A widow should remain gōsha (in seclusion) for twelve months after her husband’s death. When a grown-up, but unmarried male or female dies, a human figure, made out of holy grass, is married to the corpse, and some of the marriage rites are performed.
The Idaiyans are Vaishnavites, and the more civilised among them are branded like Vaishnava Brāhmans. Saturday is considered a holy day. Their most important festival is Krishna Jayanti, or Srī Jayanti, in honour of Krishna’s birthday. They show special reverence for the vessels used in dairy operations.
The proverb that the sense of an Idaiyan is on the back of his neck, for it was there that he received the blows, refers to “the story of the shepherd entering the gate of his house with a crook placed horizontally on his shoulders, and finding himself unable to get in, and his being made able to do so by a couple of blows on his back, and the removal of the crook at the same time. Another proverb is that there is neither an Āndi among Idaiyans, nor a Tādan among the potters. The Āndi is always a Saivite beggar, and, the Idaiyans being always Vaishnavites, they can never have in their midst a beggar of the Saivite sect, or vice versâ. Being extremely stupid, whenever any dispute arises among them, they can never come to any definite settlement, or, as the proverb says, the disputes between Idaiyans are never easily settled. Keeping and rearing cattle, grazing and milking them, and living thereby, are their allotted task in life, and so they are never good agriculturists. This defect is alluded to in the proverb that the field watered by the Idaiyan, or by a member of the Palli caste, must ever remain a waste.”[6]
Other proverbs, quoted by the Rev. H. Jensen,[7] are as follows:—
The shepherd can get some fool to serve him.
Like a shepherd who would not give anything, but showed an ewe big with young.