Castes and Tribes of Southern India. Vol. 7 of 7

by Edgar Thurston

The next item in connection with a marriage is the issue of invitations to the wedding. The senior women of the boy’s house, and the Tandān, invite a few friends to assemble at the house of the bridegroom. The mat, lamp, and other articles are placed in the middle room. The bridegroom (manavālan) sits on the mat, with a friend on either side of him. He has previously bathed, and horizontal daubs of sandal paste have been placed on his forehead, breast, and arms. He wears a new cloth, which has not been washed. His Tandān has adorned him with a gold bracelet on his right wrist, a knife with a gold or silver handle at the waist, and a gold or silver waist-belt or girdle over the loin-cloth. The bracelet must have an ornamental pattern, as plain bracelets are not worn by men. The girdle is in the form of a chain. Besides these things, he must wear ear-rings, and he should have rings on his fingers. His sister who pays the kanam dresses in the same style, but her cloths may be of silk, white without a pattern in the border, and she wears gold bracelets on both wrists. All enjoy a good meal, and then set out, and visit first the house of the Tandān. He and his wife walk in front, followed by the boy’s elder sisters, if he has any. Then comes the bridegroom with a friend before and behind him, with a few women bringing up the rear. At the Tandān’s house there is another meal, and then three, five, or seven houses are visited, and invitation to the wedding given in person. The proceedings for the day are then over, and, after three days, the brother-in-law, uncle, and all others receive invitations.

On the occasion of the marriage ceremony, the barber first shaves the bridegroom’s head, leaving the usual forelock on the crown, which is never cut. He performs the operation in a little shed to the east of the house, and a plantain leaf is placed so that the hair may fall on it. As a rule, the barber sits in front of the person whose hair he is shaving, while the latter, sitting cross-legged on the ground, bends forward. But, on this occasion, the bridegroom sits on a low wooden stool. Close by are a lamp and a measure of rice on a plantain leaf. The barber also shaves the two friends of the bridegroom (changathis), and receives a fanam and the rice for his trouble. The three youths then bathe, smear themselves with sandal paste, and proceed to dress. The bridegroom must wear round the loins a white cloth, new and unwashed. Round the top of the loin cloth he wears a narrow waist-band (kacha) of silk, from 14 to 21 cubits in length, with the ends hanging in front and behind. Over the shoulders is thrown a silk lace handkerchief. He puts in his ears gold ear-rings, round the neck a necklace called chakra (wheel) mala,[21] on the right wrist a gold bracelet, gold rings on the fingers, a gold or silver chain round the loins, and a gold or silver-handled knife with a sheath of the same metal. The two companions are dressed in much the same way, but they wear neither necklace nor bracelet. The women wear as many ornaments as they please. Sisters of the bridegroom must wear bracelets on both wrists, a necklace, and a silk cloth (virāli) on the shoulders. The bracelet worn by men is called vala, and must be made of one piece of metal. Those worn by women are called kadakam, and must be made in two pieces. When all are ready, mats, and other things are once more placed in the middle room, and the bridegroom and his two companions sit on the mats. They at once rise, and proceed to the little shed which has been erected in the front yard, and again seat themselves on the mats, which, with the other articles, have been brought thither from the middle room. Then the Tandān gives betel to the bridegroom and his two companions, who must chew it. The Tandān’s wife, the elder woman of the house, and the bridegroom’s sisters sprinkle rice on their heads. The Tandān gives a sword to the bridegroom and each of his companions. The procession then starts. In front walk two Nāyars supplied by the Koyma of the dēsam (represented by the Nāyar landlord). Then come the Tandān and a few elders, followed by the Tandān’s wife and some of the elder women, the bridegroom with his two companions, his sisters, and finally the general crowd. As the procession moves slowly on, there is much dancing, and swinging of swords and shields. At the bride’s house, the party is received by the wife of the Tandān of the tara holding a lighted lamp, the oldest woman of the family with a plate containing a measure of rice and a folded cloth, and another woman, who may be a friend, with a kindi of water. They sprinkle a little rice on the heads of the party as they enter the yard. The bridegroom sits on a mat, close to which the lamp and other articles are set. The bride’s Tandān takes charge of the swords, betel is distributed, and a hearty meal partaken of. The six cloths, which the bridegroom is required to bring are in reality three double cloths, one of which is for the use of the bride. It is the privilege of the bridegroom’s sisters and the Tandān’s wife to dress her. Her waist-cloth is tied in a peculiar way for the occasion, and she is enveloped from head to foot in a silken cloth, leaving only the eyes visible. The bridegroom, after his arrival at the bride’s house, has to put on a peculiar turban of conical shape, made of a stiff towel-like material, tied round with a silk handkerchief. The bridegroom’s sister leads the bride to the little shed (pandal) in the yard, and seats her behind the bridegroom. The kanam, and the remaining four cloths are then given by the bridegroom’s sister to the bride’s mother, and they, having tied a silk handkerchief across the body like a Brāhman’s thread, stand behind the bridegroom, the mother to the right and the sister to the left. The latter says three times “Let the kanam be given,” and hands it to the bride’s mother, who, as she receives it, says thrice “Let me receive the kanam.” The mother at once hands it over to her husband, or the senior male member of the family. The Tandān then places plantain leaves, for use as plates, before the bridegroom and his two companions, and, facing the bridegroom, holds a vessel of cooked rice in front of him. The bride’s mother, standing behind him, serves out thrice some rice out of the pot on to the leaf in front of the bridegroom, and the Tandān does the same for his two companions. The bride’s mother then mixes some plantains, pappadams (large thin biscuits), sugar, and ghī (clarified butter) with the rice on the bridegroom’s leaf-plate, and offers the food to him three times. She will not, however, allow him to taste it. It is taken from his lips, and removed by the washerwomen. The bridegroom’s sister has the same play with the bride. The rice, which has thus been made a feature of the ceremony, is called ayini. A few days prior to the marriage, two small bundles of betel leaves, each containing areca nuts, half a dozen tobacco leaves, and two fanams are given by the bridegroom to the Nāyar chieftain of the dēsam as his fee for furnishing an escort. In return for these offerings, he gives a new cloth to the bridegroom. Three measures of raw rice, ten or twelve pappadams, plantains, a cocoanut, and some dry uncooked curry-stuff are given by the bridegroom to each of the Nāyars provided as escort on the eve of the marriage. When they arrive on the scene on the wedding day, they are given some beaten rice, rice cakes, cocoanuts, plantains, and a drink of arrack (spirit). When the bride’s parents and relations come for the Vathil ceremony, the same escort is provided, and the same presents are given. Just as the bridegroom and all are ready to leave, the bride’s father’s sister’s son called the machunan, steps forward, and demands two fanams from the bridegroom’s party in return for permission to take away the bride. He gets his money, and the party starts for the bridegroom’s house, after rice has been sprinkled over the heads of the contracting couple, the sisters of the bridegroom leading the bride. The swords, which have been returned by the Tandān, are again used in flourishing and dancing en route.

It is a prevalent custom throughout Southern India that a girl’s father’s sister’s son has the first right to her hand in marriage. This obtains not only among the Dravidian peoples, but also among Brāhmans. The Malayālam word for son-in-law (marumakan) means nephew. If a stranger should marry a girl, he also is called nephew. But the unmarried nephew, having the first admitted right to the girl, must be paid eight annas, or two fanams, before he will allow her to be taken away. The argument is said to be as follows. A sister pays forty-two fanams as kanam for her brother’s wife. When the product, i.e., a daughter, is transferred to a stranger, the son claims compensation on his mother’s investment at the same rate as that at which a cocoanut tree is valued—eight annas. At all events, the nephew has the first right to a girl, and must be compensated before she can be taken away by another.

At the bridegroom’s house, the party is received by the wife of the Tandān and the lady of the house. Following the bride should come her parents and other relations, two Nāyars representing the chieftain, and the Tandān of his tara. The formalities with mats and rice are gone through as before. Rice is sprinkled over the heads, the Tandān receives the swords, and all sit in the shed. The ayini rice ceremony is repeated for the bride by the bridegroom’s mother and sisters. The happy pair then proceed to the inner room of the house, where sweetmeats are served to them. Then is observed, as a rule, the asaram or gift ceremony. Relations are expected to give 101 fanams (Rs. 25–4), but the poorest of them are allowed to reduce the gift to 21 fanams (Rs. 5–4), and the others give according to their means. These gifts are supposed to be repaid with interest. The Tandān sees that a regular account of all the gifts is made out, and handed over to the bridegroom, and receives eight annas for his trouble. The accountant who prepares the accounts, and the person who tests the genuineness of the coins, each receives a bundle of betel leaves, four areca nuts, and two tobacco leaves. Betel leaves, areca nuts, and tobacco, are also given to each giver of gifts. After this, there is the vatil or house ceremony. Two large bundles of betel leaves are prepared, each of which contains a thousand or fifteen hundred leaves, and with them are placed forty or fifty tobacco leaves, and seventy to a hundred areca nuts. The bride’s Tandān pays two or four rupees as vatil kanam to the Tandān of the bridegroom, who hands the money to the bridegroom’s father. The bridegroom then places one bundle of betel leaves, with half the tobacco and areca nuts, before the bride’s father, and the other before her mother, and they are distributed by the Tandān of the girl’s tara and his wife among the men and women who are present. Sweetmeats are then distributed, and the marriage ceremony is concluded. A formal visit must be made subsequently by the women of the bride’s house to the bridegroom’s, and is returned by the bride and bridegroom. The first visit is paid by a party consisting of the bride’s mother, her uncle’s and brother’s wives, the wife of the Tandān, and other relations. They are expected to bring with them plenty of sweetmeats and bread for general distribution. When the return visit is made by the bride and bridegroom, the sister of the latter, and other relations and friends, should accompany them, and they should take with them a lot of betel leaves, areca nuts, tobacco, and sweetmeats. This exchange of visits does not, however, complete those which are de rigueur. For, at the next Ōnam and Vishu festivals, the newly married couple should visit the house of the bride’s family. Ōnam is the beginning of the first harvest, and Vishu the agricultural new year. On these occasions, the bridegroom takes with him the inevitable betel leaves, and presents a new cloth to the parents of the bride and every one else in the house. When the annual Tiruvathira festival takes place between the betrothal and marriage ceremonies, the bridegroom is expected to send to the temple, through his Tandān and one of his own relations, a quantity of ripe and unripe plantains.

The ceremonies which have been described differ considerably from those of the Tiyans of North Malabar, where the marumakkatāyam law of inheritance obtains. These are very simple affairs.

In the Calicut tāluk, a man can marry only one wife at a time. But, when a wife is barren, a leper, or suffering from incurable disease, her husband may, with her formal permission, marry another wife. A bride may be of any age. Where there is no stipulation as to dowry, it is a point of honour to give the girl as many jewels as the bridegroom can afford. Widows may remarry.

Divorce is admissible, when the grounds for it are sufficient. And, when we find that incompatibility of temper is among these, it is safe to say that it is fairly easy of accomplishment. No specific reason need, in fact, be assigned. When it is the man who wishes to get rid of his wife, he must pay her all her expenses towards the marriage, as assessed by persons of the caste who fill the rôle of mediators. He has to give up jewels received from his wife’s family, and must, in some cases, pay the discarded wife something on account of her loss of virginity—a circumstance, which might make it difficult for her to obtain another husband. If the wife wishes to get rid of her husband, she must pay up all his expenses towards the marriage. The party found to be in the wrong must pay a fee of five to twenty rupees to the Tandān and all present, the relations excepted. The amount is distributed then and there. The procedure to be adopted in effecting divorce is as follows. The Tandāns of both sides, uncles and relations, and sometimes the fathers, assemble at the house of the wife, the Tandān, or one of the relations. To the left of a burning lamp are placed two small wooden stools. On one of these are laid a small towel with four fanams (one rupee) tied up in a corner of it, and another towel with a little rice and four fanams tied up in it. Close by is the other stool, on which the wife’s uncle stretches a single thread taken from his own cloth. The husband carries this stool to the gate, and says three times to the wife’s brother, father, or uncle—“Your sister’s (daughter’s or niece’s) matrimonial connection is severed.” He then blows away the thread, throws the stool down, and departs for ever. This little ceremony cannot be performed at the husband’s house, as it would involve perpetual banishment from his own house. The coins in the cloths go to the Tandāns. It is the uncle who gives these cloths, because it was he who received the two cloths at the conjee ceremony. A marriage cannot be dissolved unless both parties agree.

Tiya woman.

A girl is under pollution for four days from the commencement of the first menstrual period. During this time she must keep to the north side of the house, where she sleeps on a grass mat of a particular kind, in a room festooned with garlands of young cocoanut leaves. Round the mat is a narrow ridge made of paddy (unhusked rice), rice, and flowers of the cocoanut and areca palms. A lamp is kept burning, near which are placed the various articles already described in connection with marriage. Another girl keeps her company and sleeps with her, but she must not touch any other person, tree or plant. She further must not see the sky, and woe betide her if she catches sight of a crow or cat. Her diet must be strictly vegetarian, without salt, tamarinds, or chillies. She is armed against evil spirits with an iron knife carried on her person, or placed on the mat. On the first day, she is seated on a wooden stool in the yard to the east of the house. The fresh spathe of a cocoanut is cut in front of her. The bunch of blossoms is placed in a copper pot painted with perpendicular lines of chunam (lime), and a horizontal line at the top and bottom. The spathe of an areca palm is similarly treated, and, if the contents of both spathes are plentiful, it is regarded as a good augury of fertility. The wife of the girl’s uncle, or, if she is married, her husband’s sister pours some gingelly (Sesamum) oil over her head, on the top of which a gold fanam has been placed. Failing such relations, the wife of the Tandān officiates. The operation is repeated by two other women, relatives if possible. The oil is poured from a little cup made from a leaf of the jāk tree (Artocarpus integrifolia), flows over the forehead, and is received with the fanam in a dish. It is a good omen if the coin falls with the obverse upwards. Rice is cooked with jaggery, and given to the girl. The other women partake thereof, and then have a feast by themselves. The anointing with oil is the only bath the girl has until the fourth day. On the third day, she is not allowed to eat rice in any form, but she may partake of any other grain in the form of cakes. Her uncle’s wife, husband’s sister, and other relations, give her presents of cakes and bread. During the night, the māttu, or cloth-changing ceremony, takes place. First of all, the washerman comes along with the washerwoman, carrying two washed cloths. In the front yard of the house a lamp with an odd number of wicks is burning. In a bamboo basket are a small measure (edangāli) of paddy heaped up on a plantain leaf, a measure of rice on another leaf, two separate quarter measures thereof, a piece of turmeric, a little straw, a piece of coir (cocoanut fibre), and a cocoanut. As soon as he enters, the washerman, using the straw and coir skilfully, makes a bundle of the contents of the basket, and places it near the lamp, which is standing on a wooden stool. A cocoanut is cut in half, and placed, half on each side, by the stool. Thereon is set a flat bell-metal dish, containing a little rice and seven rolls of betel leaves and areca nuts. The washerwoman, having received the māttu from the woman, places it on his head and proceeds to sing a song, at the conclusion of which he says solemnly three times “Let me place the māttu.” He then places the cloths on the bundle, which is on the stool. The girl’s uncle’s wife, and four other women, have by this time emerged from the middle room of the house, carrying a lighted lamp, a plate with a measure of rice, and a kindi as before. The uncle’s wife, having covered her breast with a silk cloth, and wearing all her ornaments, leads the other four women as they walk thrice round the māttu. She then places a fanam (or a four-anna piece) on the māttu, lifts the stool, bundle and all, with one hand on the māttu and the other below the stool, and leads the procession of the women, with the lamp and other articles, to the room where the girl has been sleeping. She deposits her burden near the spot where the girl has laid her head. A general feast then takes place, and the washerman appropriates the fanam, and the paddy and rice spread in the yard. So ends the third day of these strange observances. On the fourth day, the girl bathes in a neighbouring pool, with some ceremonial. Before she leaves the house, the washerman fixes in the ground a branch of a certain tree, to the top and bottom of which he ties the two ends of a long line of thin coir rope or yarn. This is supposed to represent the bow of Kāma, the Indian Cupid. He erects a miniature temple-like structure of young cocoanut leaves, with the stems of young plantains near it, by the side of the pool. Close to it, he places a burning lamp, and a small quantity of rice and paddy, each on a separate plantain leaf. Near them he sets a cocoanut, which has been blackened with charcoal, on some rice spread on a plantain leaf, a cocoanut reddened with turmeric and chunam on raw rice, and another on a leaf, containing fried paddy.[22] He further deposits a few plantains, and two other cocoanuts. Before the girl leaves the house, clad in one of the cloths brought on the previous night, she is well rubbed all over with oil, and the four or six women[23] who accompany her are similarly treated. Leading the way, they are followed by a number of women to the pool, where the girl and her companions bathe. After the bath, they stand by the side of the pool, facing east and holding lighted cotton-wicks in their hands, and go round the miniature temple three times, throwing the wicks into it. The washerman again breaks out into song, accompanying himself by striking a bell-metal plate with a stick. When he has finished, and gone through a little more business on his own account, the girl’s husband or brother (if she is unmarried) appears on the scene. He holds aloft the coir string, under the lower end of which a cocoanut has been placed on the ground. The girl passes three times forwards and backwards without touching it. Two cotton wicks, lighted at both ends, are laid on the cocoanut, and the girl should cut the wicks and the cocoanut through, completely severing them, with one blow of a strong knife or chopper. If she is successful, the omen is considered good. The girl, with her party, then bathes a second time. As she comes out of the water, she kicks out backwards like a mule, and sends the stem with the single cocoanut attached flying into the water with her right foot. The second māttu cloth is then brought, and she is clad in it. Then she is full dressed and ornamented and led back to the house with a silk canopy over her head. She is taken to the middle room, and cakes and rice are given to her to eat. A feast is then held. The girl has so far been purified as regards most affairs of life, but she cannot touch any cooking-vessel until she has undergone yet another ceremony. This takes place on the seventh or ninth day after the first appearance of the menses. Every day until then the girl is rubbed with gingelly oil and turmeric. Three ordinary earthenware cooking-pots are piled, one above the other, in the kitchen. The uppermost pot contains cooked rice, the middle one rice boiled with jaggery, and the lowest curry. The pots must be new, and are marked with perpendicular daubs of chunam. Seated on a low wooden stool to the west of the pots, the girl, facing the east, touches each pot with a knife. When the first of all these menstruation ceremonies has taken place at the house of the girl’s husband, her mother brings some cakes on this last day. If it has been performed at her father’s house, her husband’s sister should bring the cakes. They are distributed among all present, and a small meal is partaken of. All the expenses of the first, and seventh or ninth day ceremonies, are borne by the people of the house, who may be those of the family of the girl’s father or husband. The expenses of the ceremonial of the fourth day are defrayed by the girl’s husband if they have been performed at her father’s house, and vice versâ.