The custom of taking a journey at this time is not so rigidly observed as it used to be, many young couples preferring to go direct to their new home, or to a quiet country house for the honeymoon.
The real wishes of the couple should be followed out at this time, because they are now more free from social obligations than they will be later, and a wise start upon married life is of all things most desirable and necessary.
Wedding Fee
The fee should be placed in an envelope or purse, and given to the clergyman by the best man or some friend of the bridegroom, just before or just after the ceremony, as may be most convenient. It is sometimes handed to the clergyman by the bridegroom at the close of the ceremony and before the couple turn away from the altar. It should be always given quietly, privately, and with no display or comment.
The clergyman does not examine the fee or comment upon it, other than indicating his acceptance.
The size of the fee is a matter of individual taste. Because it is unostentatiously given, its size is known only to the bridegroom and the clergyman, and to none others unless they wish to tell. There are some people in fashionable circles who employ a minister only at marriages and funerals, and who labor under the impression that they are objects of charity and that by them even the small favor is always thankfully received. No one thing so denotes the degree of real refinement in a man as the fee he offers the clergyman for marrying him. The clergyman is one of the three principals in the marriage ceremony. The great majority of brides desire that their marriage should have the sanction and benediction of the religious body with which they worship, or which has standing in their community and among their people. At the very least, in the civil marriage, without a third party to represent either church or state a marriage ceremony and therefore a legalized marriage is impossible. The third principal is therefore an important part of the affair. To treat him shabbily in any way denotes no real appreciation of his presence. So it is that the true gentleman is as willing to give a handsome fee to him, if his means permit it, as he is to give to his bride something which shall delight and please her, and which shall symbolize his appreciation of the gift of herself. The bridegroom's offering to the clergyman is indeed the touchstone of his refinement. Wedding fees vary from five to a thousand dollars, the usual amount being twenty-five dollars for the fairly affluent.
Wedding Presents
So extreme has become the custom of sending wedding presents that it is perhaps necessary to remind those who really desire to do the correct thing, that a perfunctory service, or gift, or courtesy has no intrinsic value, and the omission of it would often be far more satisfactory than its bestowal.
The usual form of wedding gift is something of use and ornament for the new house. Silver, linen, cut glass, or china for the dining-room, furniture, rugs, lamps, clocks, vases, books, and pictures, or bric-a-brac for the rest of the house, are all appropriate.
If silver is given, it should not be marked, as the bride may have duplicates and prefer to exchange some pieces for others, or as she may have a special form of engraving which she prefers. The exchange of a gift, however, removes from it the personal thought of the giver, and makes its acceptance more a matter of mercenary than of friendly interest. If, however, such exchange is made at the suggestion or with the approval of the giver, it still remains a personal gift. The indefinite way in which many people choose wedding gifts for their friends, following only the conventional ideas of what is suitable, has taken a great deal of personal interest from the gift at the very first.