The Etiquette of To-day

by Edith B. Ordway

Children should be taught that thinking will answer most of their questions for them, that they should wait and see if the answer will not be given by something that is said later on. Every effort made to drive the thought of a loquacious child back upon itself is an effort in the right direction; just as every effort made to express and reveal the thought of an imaginative child is much to the latter's benefit.

The sayings of a child should never be quoted in his presence, nor his doings related. He becomes hopelessly self-conscious thereby.

A child should be taught to respect the rights of the father and mother to the easiest chairs in the room, or those which they may prefer, and should leave those chairs vacant until the father and mother are seated elsewhere.

The boy who has been brought up at home, both by precept and by his father's example, never to seat himself at the dining table or in the family sitting-room until his mother is seated, will not need to be told that he should rise in a crowded street car and give his seat to an elderly woman. He will do it so instinctively that it will not be a burden,—indeed, the regret would be more keen if he could not do it.

If children are present at the dining table, it is wiser to help them first, and the grown people last, than the reverse. In everything it is well to follow the etiquette of adult life, as, for instance, by helping the girls before the boys.

Children should be taught to be punctual at meals, not simply for the sake of health, but out of consideration for the cook and for those who might otherwise be obliged to wait for them. They should not be allowed to hurry through a meal because of their impatience to get at play, although they may be wisely excused when they are quite through. There is no value in making them the bored, squirming, or subdued listeners to conversation quite beyond their comprehension or interest. They should be taught to eat leisurely, and to regard the mealtime as a chance to talk with their parents about interesting things, and not simply as a time to be shortened and slighted if possible.

Usually the child's first rigid lesson in punctuality comes at the beginning of school life. Then, most profitably, may be cultivated a sense of the rights of others, and of his individual responsibility toward the social group, represented for him by his teacher and schoolmates. If the emphasis is rightly laid upon the necessity of his not delaying the work of his classmates and teacher, he will naturally find many ways in which he may apply the same thought, greatly to his own advantage and to theirs as well, and to the permanent strengthening of his habits of work.

A keen sense of social oneness may also prevent the too frequent heart-burnings among shy and sensitive children. This is as easily cultivated as is the opposite, and is of great importance both in childhood and in later life. The seeming injustice of the teacher may often be made clear, and seen to be just, when the welfare of the whole school is taken into consideration. This is a matter of the natural enlargement of the child's mental horizon, and if the proper spirit has been fostered, the child will welcome it. Should it be done carefully and wisely, the roots of many social weeds will at once be eliminated.

Fault-finding should be discouraged in school and at home. It is never the best method of fault correction, and should not be countenanced.

The bringing home of tales of the teacher and of schoolmates, in a spirit of complaint, should not be permitted. Pleasant accounts of happenings at school should be encouraged, but grumbling against rules, as well as personal gossip, should not be permitted. The authority of the home must support the authority of the school or the child will nowhere receive that discipline and training which he needs in order to meet the experiences of life.