At times which seem appropriate it is well to retire to one's room and leave the family by themselves. It is not necessary for the family life and comfort to be sacrificed constantly to the guest. Hospitality would be more generously shown if it did not make so many unnecessary demands upon the time and comfort of the members of the family.
The guest should never take sides in any family discussion, and if anything unpleasant occurs, she should ignore it entirely, and not seem to know anything about it or take any interest in it.
It is an unpardonable breach of loyalty to one's hosts to retail any information one may have acquired on a visit, or discuss their characteristics and management with any one.
A guest need not attend religious services, or be present at the calls of commonplace people, or enter into local philanthropies, unless he wishes to do so. True hospitality relieves him from all sense of obligation in these matters. If, however, carriages are provided so that guests may attend church, or guests are told of the hour for family worship and are invited to be present, it is more courteous to attend.
Guests at country houses should be willing to take hold and help in any emergency, such as the absence or sickness of the servants, and should be willing to join heartily in the country frolics where work is usually to be shared by all.
In the country people visit in large parties, so when one is invited to go on an excursion or with a crowd to visit some neighbor, one should not hesitate for fear of being one too many.
One should follow the wish of the host or hostess in regard to giving the servants some gratuity for service rendered, if that wish is known; otherwise, unless there is an accepted rule to the contrary, it is well to give, when leaving, a small gift of money to such of the servants as have been especially helpful. One should always treat servants with consideration and kindness, if not with generosity. It is better to be less lavish with money and more painstaking in remembering personally the people who have served you, renewing acquaintance with them if opportunity offers, treating them in a human way, and not with the indifference with which you would treat a mechanism.
If a gift is given, it should be done unostentatiously. The tactful, quiet way of doing it, free from patronage, and showing only good-will and gratitude for service rendered, is the only polite way. Money never compensates for haughtiness and brusqueness, and the gentleman or lady in spirit will not be unmindful of the feelings of even an incompetent servant.
