What is the cheapest candy? Horehound, because the advertisements of it read constantly, "Horehound drops 10 cents a lb."
Why does a rich lady act prudently by marrying a penniless man? Because she husbands her resources.
Why should a straw hat never be raised to a lady? Because, no matter how much you raise it, or how much she appreciates it, it is never felt.
When is a wall like a fish? When it is scaled.
Why is it impossible for a swell who lisps to believe in the existence of young ladies? Because he calls every Miss a Myth.
Why is a specimen of handwriting like a dead pig? Because it is done with the pen.
Why are good intentions like fainting ladies? Because all they want is carrying out.
What is it we all frequently say we will do and no one has ever yet done? Stop a minute.
Why can't a thief easily steal a watch? Because he must take it off its guard.
Why is a treadmill run by convicts like a true convert? Because its turning is the result of conviction.