CYRANO.
No, no, that's a little too short, young man! You might have said.... Well.... many things.... in different keys. For instance, listen: Aggressive: "I, Sir, had I such a nose, would at once have it amputated."—Friendly: "It must dip into your glass. To drink with comfort, you should have a hanap constructed!"—Descriptive: "It is a rock!... a peak!!.... a headland!!! More than a headland, a whole peninsula!"—Inquisitive: "What may this oblong thing be used for? A writing-desk or a tool-chest?"—Pleasant: "Do you love birds so much that you feel bound to offer them so comfortable a resting place?"—Fierce: "When you use tobacco, Sir, can you emit smoke from that nose without your neighbours' crying that there is a chimney on fire?"—Thoughtful: "Be careful; so much top-hamper might cause you to fall!"—Affectionate: "Have a parasol made for it; the sun might fade its colour!"—Pedantic: "For so much flesh on so much bone beneath the forehead, we must go back, Sir, to the animal Aristophanes calls Hippocampelephantocamelos!"—Flippant: "Why! man, is that the fashion for hooks? Certainly convenient for hanging up a hat!"—Emphatic: "Masterly nose, no wind can make you catch aught but a fractional cold! None but a northern hurricane!"—Dramatic: "When it bleeds, we have the Red Sea!"—Admiringly: "For a perfumer, what a sign!"—Lyric: "Is it a shell trumpet, and are you a triton?"—Innocent: "When is this monument open to visitors?"—Respectful: "This is really owning a mansion with a gable on it!"—Countrylike: "That be not a nose, but a big turnip, or a young melon!"—Military: "Point against cavalry!"—Practical: "Will you put it up in a lottery? It will surely be the largest prize!"—Finally, to parody the grief of Pyramus:
So here we have the nose that on its master came
To ruin harmony! The traitor's red for shame!
That is about what you might have said, dear boy, if you had a sprinkling of letters and a bit of humour. Of humour, though, lamentable being, you never had an atom; and, as to letters, you never had but the four that spell the word Fool!—Some invention is requisite for extravagant jests before such an audience, but, even if you had it, you could not have uttered a quarter of the half of the beginning of what I said; for I may be willing to serve such sport myself, but I allow nobody to serve it to me.
GUICHE (endeavouring to lead away the Vicomte).
Vicomte, pay no attention to him!
VICOMTE (overwhelmed).
Such arrogance! An insignificant little squire .... who .... who .... doesn't even wear gloves!....and who sallies forth without ribbons, bows or trimmings!
CYRANO.
'Tis morally I have my elegance,
I do not dress as does a fop, but I
Am better groomed than some more richly clad.
I'd not set forth with traces of neglect
About me, say: an insult left unwashed,
A conscience still confused and half asleep,
My honour soiled, or scruples out of shape.
When I proceed, I do so clean and bright,
With truthful independence for a plume.
'Tis not my form I lace to hold it up,
It is my soul I try to elevate!
The ribbons that I wear are only deeds;
I twist perhaps my wit like a mustache;
But then I cause, as I go through your groups,
Above the clash of spurs, the truth to ring!