“Po’ly, Billy, ve’y po’ly; pow’ful mis’ry in meh back an’ legs.”
Billy said, in an innocent sort of way: “I jes’ bought fum Kent County de fines’ kin’ ub coon dog—cross ’tween uh houn’ an’ rat-tan-terrier—an’ I drap in ter arsk ef’n you won’ teck uh hunt wid me in Haylan’ Branch to-night. Tell me hit’s full ub coons, an’ uh hunt mout do yo’ back good.”
Uncle Stephen gave Billy a solemn, stern look and said: “I wan’ nuffin ter do wid coons, ’possums er ’coon dogs. Scip’ Jones an’ John Poney dey bof exerted me. I’s los’ meh tase fuh night hun’in’; an’ when you heah de ’po’t ub de witch committee, you will sell yo’ dog, kase when dat ’po’t gits knowed, da won’ be no use fuh coon dogs, leas’wise ’roun’ heah. I had uh talk wid Caesar Butler yistiddy, an’ he say: ‘He sho’ dat Haylan’ Branch witch tuck an’ stole he ’possum fum de ashes lars’ fall, an’ bin stealin’ he oystus all wintah.’ Now de wexin’ quession is, What we gwine ter do? Hit wud not s’prise me ef’n I move fum de county.”
“Uncle Stephen, what wuz de ’port ub de witch committee?”
“Well, dey met lars’ night over Bennett Tumlinson’s wheelwright shop. Pawson Demby wuz chusen ter teck de cheah. Den we hed uh long composation an’ hit wuz ’cided dat ghos’es may lib in cows’ hohns, but witches don’—leas’wise de breed dat’s in Haylan’ Branch. We also ’cide dat ef’n all de cowhohns in Miles Ribber Neck wuz made inter one hohn, hit wud be too small fuh de witch ub Haylan’ Branch ter ’pose in. Hit wuz also ’cluded dat de sperrit in Haylan’ Branch wuz uh witch, kase hit hab whiskuhs, an’ ghos’es don’ hab whiskuhs. Pawson Demby say he sho’ hit’s de same breed ub witches dat’s spok’ ub in Samuel de Fus’, and dat we mus’ stop coon hun’in’, hintimate Saul, an’ all go ter witch hun’in’ an’ witch killin’. Dat de Bible ’splicitly spressify in de book ub Ex-odus: ‘Thou shal’ not suffah uh witch ter lib.’ Pawson Demby mus’ be mustakin’. Hit kyant be de same breed ub witches Saul kilt, an’ ef’n dey is, dey’s grown monstus since dem days; an’ I bleebe ’sted ub de brudders ub Zion Chuch ’stroyin’ de witches, de witches will ’stroy de brudders. Talk ’bout babtizin’ in de presence ub shirks! I’d rudder sleep wid shirks dan see dat witch ergin. Hits de lars’ time I’s gwine on any committee! Mo’n dat, I’s made up meh min’ ter jine uh chuch dat don’ ’low coon huntin’, an dat chuch is de Presbyters.”
After the war Billy, old and dispirited, drifted to a small town in Maryland. His independence, quaint humor (narrations and mirations) soon attached the townspeople to him, who kept him in tobacco, clothed and made him comfortable. Billy never tired of expatiating upon his old home, haunts, ole Miss and ole Mars. It was his nature to exaggerate, and he told about the fo’-in-hands he drove (he never drove) until it got to be a joke; and they would tease him and say they had heard he only drove mules and steers, which made him furious, and he would brandish his cane at his accusers.
When Mr. Cleveland was first elected President Billy was very much disturbed. He thought all the negroes would be sold into slavery, and his loquaciousness and solicitude suggested the following joke, which was played upon him to the amusement of the township:
At several places in the town, to which Billy’s attention was called, printed notices were tacked up that on a certain day all negroes in Maryland would be sold to the highest bidder. When Billy saw it, he swore lustily, and on the day of sale he was made to stand on a goodsbox, and cried to the highest bidder. It was a very funny sight. Billy said: “Ef’n ole Mars, er Miss Henrietta wuz erlive dey’d kill ebery lars’ one ub you.”
The spectators walked around him, looked in his mouth feigning to tell his age, and praised his noble appearance. Billy looked scornfully at the laboring people, some of whom had been instructed to bid on him, and graciously at the gentry present. A pretended buyer asked if he belonged to the church.
Billy said: “I don’ ’long ter no chuch, an’ I ain’ gwine ter jine, an’ gib up meh fiddle an’ banjo.”