Ole Mars an' Ole Miss

by Edmund K. Goldsborough

Den heah cum de sun creepin’ up, sorter playin’ hide an’ seek wid de mawnin’, an’ say ter de dawn, “Recommember me! Recommember me!” Den de dawn put his arms roun’ de yearth an’ you heah de sweet jewdraps say ter de flowers, trees an’ watermillion blossoms, “Good bye;” an’ right ’way de birds sip de jewdraps jes’ befo’ dey melt, ter wet deah th’oats fuh de lars’ mawnin’. Hallaluja, dey’r gwine ter sing.

Bimeby de sunbeams cummenc’ ter play an’ say, “I recommember uh dark place; I will drap in an’ meck it bright,” an’ de sweet potater wines, cucumber wines, all de wegetables, fruits, flowers, craps an’ grasses is kiss’ an’ caress’ by dem sunbeams.

Ah, sistus an’ chillun, I cud preach uh monf boutin dat sun, but I mus’ pars on an’ say befo’ I include recommembrance, dat we kin all be sunbeams; we kin hab uh brighter light in our bresses dan de sunlight, ef’n we recommember what babtism will do, feas’ our hyarts on de ripe fruit ub salbation, hab on our feet de golden slippas ub faith, an’ shoostrings ub justifycation. Den de sunlight ub de c’lestial home will flud our souls ez we sing an’ pray ter be at de lars’ day ’mong de cherupins an’ serupins dat dances—no, not dances—dat shouts by de light ub de sun, moon an’ stars, on de c’lestial sho’.

We will now teck de nex’ application ub meh tex’, “Meddowtate on dee in de night watches.”

Brudderin, all nature is uh meddowtationist; dat is, all satisfied nature.

Did you eber think erboutin it?

Now, teck fus’ uh cow, when she gits plenty ub grass, lays down an’ chaws huh cud, blinks, winks huh eyes an’ meddowtates, an’ ef’n she is not uh stripper, I specks she thinks how nice it will be when somebody milks huh gre’t big bag, so full ub milk dat it will ’stress huh befo’ long ef’n it’s not stripped.

Uh settin’ hen is uh gre’t muser (I wan’ ter ’splain dat what dey call meddowtatin’ in de Bible days, dey call musin’ in dese days, an’ what dey call damsels in Bible days, we call ladies in dese days). Yes! uh settin’ hen is uh gre’t meddowtater, prob’ly one ub de gre’tes’. Dey sets twenty-one days, an’ dey say ter git uh good hatchin’ dey should be sot on twenty-one eggs, so as ter ’low huh one egg uh day ter muse on. ’Cose she thinks erboutin what de diffunt color ub de chicks will be, how many will be roostus, how many hens, how many will be black legs, specklelegs, yaller legs, an’ how many good layers. Den she gib uh little cackle, which is larfin’ ’mong fowls, an’ say ter huhsef: “Heah cum ole Miss Osman, de hous’keeper, de keys jinglin’ same ez bells fum huh ap’on strings, lookin’ ergin fuh dat speckle hen, settin’ an’ musin’ un’er de steps right at de do’.”

But, brudderin, de gre’tes’ meddowtaters is de ’cendents ub Mars Adam an’ Miss Ebe, an’ ’mong de ladies in de Bible, I s’pose Miss Rachel, de mudder ub some ub de Petracks, wuz de slyis’ meddowtater, an’ de mos’ ’spected, kase Uncle Reubin say she hab de finis’ toom, de biggist chariot, an’ mos’ moners ub any ooman de Bible speak ub. When Jacob fus’ met huh at de well she wuz musin’; dat is, huh ’flections wuz deep like de well. She look so peart, sweet, an’ sad-like, de narration say, dat Jacob wep’. How-some-eber, Jacob wuz uh unsuspectin’ shepherd, an’ wuz smut ’mejately by Miss Rachel’s cunnin’ lubliness. Mo’n dat, Miss Rachel had bin ris’ by de qual’ty, an’ knew’d how ter look sorf-eyed an’ sly, jes’ like Miss Henrietta use ter look when she feel sassy; ’sides, Miss Rachel cum outin’ uh musin’ fambly. Her pa, Mars Laban, meddowtate (so de Bible say) seven year befo’ he gib Miss Rachel ter Jacob, an’ he made uh mustake den, kase Jacob soon tu’n ornry, an’ hab fo’ wives.

One ub de gre’tes’ meddowtaters mention ’mong de men in de Bible, is spoke ub in de fus’ book ub clover.