Uncle Reubin Viney (with austerity)—“Shakespeare.”
“Well, ef’n Shakespeare an’ Horace (I dunno what Horace he talkin’ erbout, but ef’n he mean Miss Rodgers’ Horace, I won’ bleebe anything he say), an’ if dat book an’ Horace is ez ornsortin an’ mixed up ez de mirations ub Brer Damon Danridge, den I don’ think much ub de book. Mo’n dat, Rash-nal an’ Pus-nal got nuffin ter do wid dis rebate, an’, Brer Viney, I wan’ you ter rule Shakespeare, Horace, Rash-nal an’ Pus-nal outin’ it.
“Hits ornpropper ter talk erbout dat book ’long side de Bible. I wouldn’ walk ’cross dis room ter shake hands wid Shakes-peare, an’ ef’n de truf wuz knewed, I speck he wuz one ub dem Quakers.
“Belubbed, ev’ybody kin see fum Deacon Danridge speech dat he got no confluence in Ho Ho’s breedin’, ebin got ter bring pig-tails in dis rebate. What dey got ter do wid uh Japne er Chine?”
Deacon Damon Danridge—“Ef’n you had read any phlos’phy you’d no dat Chinese hab pig-tails.”
“You kyant see th’oo a millstone less’n it got uh hole in it, but you kin see th’oo uh pain ub glass ef’n da ain’ no hole in it, an’ it’s clare ez uh pain ub glass dat Ho Ho wan’ no Chine er Japne. I kyant read an’ spell so ve’y well, ez I nebber ’longed ter er dribe fuh uh Piscopalium preacher, but Little Billy kin read, an’ he bin readin’ ober an’ ober ter me de Book ub Cronicles, Rebellation, Jerry-Myehr, Sams, Daniel, Jona an’ Zacharihy, so I reckon dem books jes’ ez trufful ez de Book ub Genesis. Now, de Book ub Daniel say, chapter de fus’, “De chillun ub Juda, Daniel, Hana-Nia, Mishel an’ Azarihy all had deah name chang’ by Nebacudnezzer. Daniel’s change ter Bell-Shazzer, uh ooman’s name; Hana-Nia, uh man wid uh ooman’s name, ter Shadrack; Mishel ter Meshac, an’ Azarihy ter Abednegro. ’Cose he mus uh bin uh dark pusson like Ham””——
Deacon Damon Danridge—“Brer Jemes, kin you qualify dat lars miration?”
“Sut’ny I kin! Hit’s all in de Book ub Daniel erboutin de time Daniel saw de han’writin’ on de wall. Now, ef’n de chillun ub Juda had deah names changed, why cudn’ Noahy change de animals’ tails ef’n he felt like it? Brer Danridge, wha’s Rash-nal now? An’ wha’s yo’ condidence in Ho Ho’s breedin’?
“Why dey change de names ub dem chillun is mo’ dan I kin ondastan; dey wan’ ornry, an’ had dun nuffin; fac’ is, de king say [reading from the Bible], ‘Dey ten times better dan de musisioners an’ ’stronemers in de law;’ an’ dey wuz fine players, too. De Bible say, ‘Dey played de cornet, flute, hyarp, an’ sackbut.’ Dat lars’ instrument is ez much uh myst’ry ter me ez Ho Ho.
“We read in de book ub Daniel dey played all kinds ub music; mo’n dat, dey wuz all ’ceppin’ Daniel fireproof.