Mother, what in the world did you let me oversleep for anyway? This toast is all dried up, (Takes top off egg) and just look at that egg; it’s as hard as a rock and if there’s anything I detest, it’s a hard-boiled—(In surprise) You did call me? Oh, of course, but that was ages ago and you know I always take another nap after the first—Am I going to church? (With sarcasm) Well, what do you think I am! A lightning change artist, to be able to get ready in about five seconds! (takes a bite of toast). I know it’s just a quarter after ten but I simply couldn’t get dressed in less than an hour and church begins at eleven. Besides I haven’t had my breakfast yet. (Takes a drink and makes a wry face). Goodness, but this coffee is awfully strong. It tastes as though it had been boiling for hours. It’s enough to poison—(pause).
Oh, a returned missionary is going to speak? Then I’m glad I’m not going, for if there’s anything I hate to have to listen to, it’s a missionary sermon. They have generally forgotten how to speak the English language and keep saying A-a-h-uh until they get the word they’re after. I counted two hundred and fifty-three A-a-h-uh’s in that address that man from China—(indignantly) I don’t see why I should be ashamed of myself. I had to do something to keep awake. And they’re always begging for money, too.
The heathen don’t need it nearly as badly as I do. Why, I had to pay ten dollars for my new hat alone, while they can clothe themselves on that many cents.
Their costumes are so simple, you know, just a frill around—(in surprise).
Madge got her new hat home last night! And she told me the milliner couldn’t possibly have it ready for to-day. To think she’d lie to her best friend like that! (jumps up hurriedly).
That settles it; I’ll simply have to go to church now, missionary or no missionary, (pause).
You don’t see what Madge’s hat has to do with my going to church?
Why, mother, the very idea, when you know I’ve had mine for two whole days. I wouldn’t let her get ahead of me for the—(pause).
No, I haven’t time for another bite. It’s all cold anyway.
Here Jimmie, (stoops and takes off shoes) give these shoes a shine and I’ll give you a nickel.