Jack [taken back]: Do I believe what?
Miss Firmrock: That women should mix up in politics. [Emphasize words by pounding floor with umbrella.]
Jack [aside]: Now what in the dickens does she want me to say? From her wording, I’d say she was agin the petticoat government. [Aloud grandiloquently.] My dear Madam, the woman’s place is in the home, cooking the meals, keeping the house clean,—er—er—making the children’s dresses er—er—winding up the cat and putting the clock out. Why should women need to enter into politics? Is not her influence greater at home? Who has not heard that beautiful and noble sentiment—“The hand that rules the cradle rocks the world.” [Aside.] Gee, I didn’t know I was such a speaker. [Starts to strut.] I hope dad got that.
Miss Firmrock: I knew as soon as I looked at you that you were one of these lordly males, who believe in keeping women a slave, a household drudge, with no more rights than the criminal, the child and the imbecile. If women do not help to do the governing, who is going to make decent laws? Who is going to see that the bachelor pays twice as much in taxes as the man who has a family to support? Who is going to make this beautiful country of ours a decent place to live in? The men? [Scornfully.] They’ve had their try at it ever since Columbus discovered America. And what have they accomplished? [Snaps her fingers.] Not that! I want nothing from you sir. I shall buy only in a store where woman is not trodden upon. [Starts to go.]
Jack [aside]: Imagine me treading on the likes of her? But good-night! I’ve backed the wrong horse. How in the world am I going to fix it? [Taps his head.] I’ve got it! A little bit of soft soap goes a long way. [Aloud.] Miss Firmrock, one moment, please. [She turns at door.] I had never given the matter any thought or I certainly wouldn’t have said what I did. But you have enlightened me. [Bowing.] You have made me see that women must enter the political arena to fight the beasts of bachelor’s vice and—and—no—backed dresses! You have shown me that men as uplifters are failures, that women alone can reform the world. Miss Firmrock, how can I thank you?
Miss Firmrock [comes back to C, shakes his hand]: It gives me great pleasure to know a man who is so open to convictions as you are, Mr. Wilson; and I will feel that I have accomplished something in life since I have converted you to our cause. But really, Mr. Wilson, I never knew that you were such an orator. I am going to put you down for a speech at our Women’s Club next Wednesday evening. How will this subject suit you, “The Failures Men Have Made”? [Takes out note-book and writes.]
Jack [aside, pretending to faint against table]: Suffering cats, what next! [Aloud.] My dear Miss Firmrock, [aside] Gee, it sounds like a proposal. [Aloud.] I’ve never made a speech in public in all my life and I—
Miss Firmrock [interrupts]: Then it’s time you were beginning.