Moreover, those who have to deal with the postman find him delightfully human. The Magna Charta of the Postal Service is the written explanation. Before you can be punished for any offence you are given the opportunity to defend yourself on paper. It is the privilege of all ranks, from the highest to the lowest; but, of course, the written explanation of the principal clerk is a different production from that signed by the postman. The difference is often chiefly in style and grammar, and the credit of the production as a real explanation of the facts must often be given to the postman, rather than to the high official, when he explains any action. All explanations are modelled on the same plan: you state the facts, you explain your conduct, and you express regret. The special feature of the postman's explanation is that there is nothing studied about the composition.
A postman was asked “to furnish a written explanation for frequently departing from the direct and proper route to the starting-point of your delivery in order to call in at your home.” The reply of the postman should appeal to our hearts: “My reason for the above was for no other purpose than I told the clerk when he questioned me on that point—to let my wife know what time I should be likely to return to breakfast. It must also be understood that I have only been married a few weeks, and is very anxious to return to my wife where others of longer experience might be glad to keep away. I also told the clerk I would in future turn to the left instead of the right. Remaining, your obedient servant.”
It seems that the Head Postmaster of the district recommended to the surveyor not only that the postman should be reprimanded, but that “the local sub-postmistress should be cautioned to keep a better look-out on the movements of the men under her control.” This lady had failed to report the irregularities; she had in fact winked at official lapses incidental to the prolonged honeymoon. Like the postman, she probably knew that his was an offence which time would cure.
These written explanations of the postmen bring us to close quarters with human life: they illustrate for us, better than any description could do, the conditions of their life. For instance, “The slight smell of drink which the inspector noticed, was what I and my missus had for our suppers.” I am afraid this inclusion of the missus rather justifies some of the schoolboy's strictures on postmen.
A rural postman was asked to explain how it was that he was ten minutes late at a certain point, and he stated that he had been “Reaveling in Nature.” Again our sympathies are stirred: we think it hard that the official machine should come down on him because he owned up to the possession of a soul.
More attention is paid to the subject of postmen's uniform than in the days when Mr. Alfred Jingle spoke of it in this contemptuous fashion: “Rather short in the waist, ain't it? Like a general postman's coat—queer coats these—made by contract—no measuring—mysterious dispensation of providence—all the short men get long coats—all the long men short ones.” But the question of uniform was long a burning one in postal circles. Official delays were as frequent in these matters as in others. A memorandum faithfully explains how matters stood. It naturally causes irritation when the distributions are so delayed that the winter clothing does not reach the employés until the cold weather is well-nigh over: the irritation is not allayed when the garments which reach them at the late period are found not to fit; and when months elapse before misfitting garments are exchanged, it is not surprising that the feeling of irritation is merged in one of active discontent. But more eloquent than any official language is a representation made by one of the men themselves. “I was late last night and my close are to thick for this weather; my shirt was running with prasperation last night and they are to much for this weather, it takes all your time to wipe the sweet of my face, and I cannot tell weather I am intit to A summer sute or not, but the things are too hot for this weather and I had to work at Skote and weigh some parcels as there is no men to carry them when the woman is out and that make a difference to me on my round and it is not all pleasure with winter clothing and I am sorry; believe me to be yours truly.”
Then there is the extra wear and tear which is sometimes difficult to explain with a limited vocabulary. An auxiliary rural postman was called upon to explain why his uniform was in an unsatisfactory condition. Here is his reply: “Dear Sir all I can say a bout the trousers that i never ad a pare that were so bad before and as for waring my youniform is a thing never do off duty at any time, there is wone thing i have a good meny styles to get over i have had to have the hole of my trousers mended in seat be fore time of the next ishue but this is the worst.” If the postman found his difficulty was in getting over the stiles the authorities must have discovered that their difficulty was to get over his arguments.
A postmaster in applying for stores once inquired “whether anything can be done for a cycle postman who has ridden through the seat of his trousers.” An auxiliary appearing in private trousers was taxed with the disappearance of the official pair. He explained that after a shower of rain he had hung them on a fence to dry, and had subsequently found that they had been eaten by cows. Another postman was asked to return his uniform, and he had rather a painful story to relate. “Sir, the postal stores sent for the last light overcoat and cape Saturday last. I am sorry to say that a little axedent occur to the coat in the wintry wett weather; while my Mrs. was drying the coat her tail caught fire and was damage and then I was oblige to cut her three quarters size and find her very useful in the mornings of fine weather.” Evidently a resourceful postman.
There are, I believe, 1800 sizes and variants of the ordinary tunics for postmen. The man must have an original shape indeed who cannot be fitted from the stock in hand. A curious physiological fact has been discovered by the clothiers of the Department. The further north one goes the bigger become the heads of his Majesty's postmen. The heads of the Glasgow postmen are the largest in the Kingdom, and knowing this we are not surprised to learn that the Postman's Gazette, the able journal devoted to the interests of the postmen, is published in Glasgow and edited by a Glasgow postman. I may also note that the feet of the Glasgow telegraph boys are the largest boys' feet in the Kingdom.
The Post Office service includes nearly 3000 postwomen. They get a rather smart waterproof outfit: official leggings, even shakos are not refused, but most ladies prefer to wear their own hats.