By what subtle, imperceptible paths has he outjourneyed the territory of that great happiness which seemed so lately his, to find himself all suddenly in this unpleasant no-man's land of the imagination? By subtle, imperceptible paths indeed. By the touch of hands; by the gazing of eyes; by the inflection of voice. Time was, in the early days it was, when he could look on Pam's fascinating sprinkling of freckles with an eye as purely interested, and as purely disinterested, as though they had been the specklings of a wild bird's egg. He had begun by making a friend of her. He had come ultimately to regard her as a sister, to whom he had acted in all good faith the strong, reliant, reliable, affectionate, unemotional elder brother—who could have kissed her, and thought no more of that kiss, nor prepared his lips for kisses to come. And now ... what was he going to make of her next? ... of himself? Who but a brother can act the brother? Who but a father—even though he doddle benevolently on his legs and have respectable white hairs—can be sure of acting the father to any daughter not his own? What are the sexes but phosphorus and sandpaper for the kindling of love's emotion? Already the phosphorus had not wanted signs of impending ignition. Just a very little more rubbing of this friendly intercourse—a day or two ... a week at most ... and the flame would burst out for them both to see. So here let him settle it. What was he going to do?
He did not know what he was going to do.... There were complications.
Complications of his own allowing, remember. Why had he not let it be plainly understood—as soon as his relations with this girl grew—that he was a man with a claim upon him?
Ah! If only he had.
Why had n't he? Had he shirked it? If he had shirked it, then he was indeed guilty.
He did not think he had shirked it ... at least, with intention.
But the idea had come to him. Come to him more than once. Did he not on one occasion at Hesketh's corner make the resolve to tell the girl that he was going to be married?
Yes.
Then why did n't he?
Because he could think of no expression at the time to relieve the news of a certain primitive brutality—a blunt statement quite out of accord with the moment and the mood.