(5.) There is another practical suggestion with reference to amusements, though I cannot urge it as one of principle; viz., this: There is great risk in adopting, or introducing, an amusement, if it is likely to lead on to something further, and you cannot draw any clear line at which you mean to stop. There are some things perfectly unobjectionable in themselves, but which become most objectionable when carried to the extent to which the world carries them. But yet the shades of difference are so delicate that it is almost impossible to draw any line that shall form a stopping point between the innocent beginning and the objectionable end. Take dancing as an illustration. In itself, it is a natural, cheerful, innocent amusement, and a great deal better, in my opinion, than many others which are substituted for it. But those others have this advantage, that, when they reach a certain point, they cease of themselves; whereas, dancing leads straight on to the ball-room, and you cannot tell your sons or daughters where to stop. It is offensive to your friends to say that your young people may dance in your own home, but not in theirs. Then, again, it is impossible to persuade a young person that the question of conformity to the world depends on whether the carpet is taken up or not. You cannot turn the carpet into a test, as I have known some attempt to do, and say that it is all right if the carpet is down, but wrong if it is taken up. Nor can you make the time of leaving off a test, and say that it is right till eleven, and wrong if it goes on till twelve; or right till twelve, and wrong if it goes on till one. The result is that those who begin with what they call family dances find in most cases that their young people end in being habitual ball-goers; and very frequently the parents themselves are so drawn along down the sliding scale that they give up most of their early principles, and become with their young people, in such matters, thoroughly conformed to the world. Thus, many a young person has been like those unfortunate travellers who perished when crossing the Col de Géant. They found the narrow ridge of rough rock was difficult and fatiguing, so they turned aside a few paces in order to find an easier path on the smooth surface of the sloping snow. Of course they had no idea of doing anything but keep safely along the upper part of the slope, close to the rocky ridge. But it was not in their power to choose their own path when once on the slope. In a fatal moment one slipped, and drew the others with him. There was no stopping point then, and they were dashed to atoms over the tremendous precipice below. I am not surprised, therefore, that most Christian parents have considered it wiser and safer for their children to keep strictly to the rocky ridge.
But in saying this I think we must bear in mind that it is rather a point of Christian prudence than of Christian principle, and be therefore extremely careful in condemning the conduct of those who differ from us. It is possible that a truly Christian person may think that he has discovered a safe stopping place in the sliding scale; and, if so, we must be careful how we blame him for conformity to the world, if he goes up to what he considers the safe limit. We may entirely differ from him, and believe that he is walking on very dangerous ground. But he may still be sound in principle, and sincerely anxious not to be conformed to the world.
(6.) But the next suggestion is one of principle, and of the utmost importance to the practical consideration of the subject; viz., this: That no amusement should be entered into by young persons without the full and hearty concurrence of their parents. By ‘full and hearty concurrence’ I do not mean reluctant permission, almost extorted from them by the fear of paining their children; but I mean that real approval which makes the young persons’ pleasure theirs. I am persuaded that in such matters the young Christian cannot well make too much of his parents’ wishes. I am prepared to adhere to this even in those cases in which I believe the young person to be right, and the parent mistaken. Of course if a clear command from God were involved, the authority of God must overrule that of a parent; but if the question turn on some point which the Word of God has left undecided, then surely the young person is called to yield. To take an example. A daughter is convinced of the great Scriptural principle, ‘Be not conformed to this world,’ and on the strength of it wishes to give up balls. But her mother wishes her to accept an invitation to one, and there is a collision between the judgment of the child and the will of the mother. How, then, should that young person act? It is an open question so far as the Scripture is concerned, whether going to balls is conformity to the world. The young person thinks it is, as I do. But after all, this is human opinion; whereas it is a Divine command to honour the father and the mother. But in all cases the human opinion must give way to the Divine authority, and therefore the right course appears to be for the young Christian, under such circumstances, to say to her mother with the utmost affection and most dutiful respect, that she wishes from a sense of duty to abstain from such amusements; but that, if her mother requires it as an act of filial obedience, she is ready as a child to obey. I have given this advice to many young persons, and I never knew an instance in which I had occasion to regret it. But surely the same advice must be given when it acts in the contrary direction, and, as long as young people are under their parents’ roof, even though they may differ from them, the parents’ wish must be held supreme.
We must not, however, forget that the same principle which calls for obedience in the young calls likewise for fidelity in the parent. The parents have a responsibility laid upon them so long as the young people are inmates of their home, a responsibility which the young person is bound to acknowledge, and of which the parents cannot divest themselves. Parents therefore are bound to be faithful, as well as the children to be submissive. If they consider a particular course of conduct to be conformity to the world, it is their duty as Christian parents plainly to say so. They should let their minds be known, and let it be an understood thing that the course adopted is opposed to their judgments and their wish. There are very few Christian families in which the knowledge of the parents’ wish is not sufficient; and when young persons are ready to submit to the judgment of their parents, it is clearly due to them that the parent should not shrink from the responsibility of decision. It is an easy thing to get rid of a difficulty by saying that at their age young persons must do as they like; but it is not fair to do so when the young persons are dutifully disposed, and perfectly ready to yield to their parents’ judgment. In such a case the son or daughter has a right to look to the parent for a decided expression of his opinion and wish. When things are as they ought to be in a Christian home, the parents’ wish is followed at once. If that wish is clearly expressed, and then disregarded, the blame lies on the young people; but if, from any motive, the parents withhold the expression of their wish, then they must be held responsible, and they have no right to express regret at the worldly conformity of their children.
But, besides the duty towards the children, it is important not to forget the responsible position which the parent occupies in society; for, as a general rule, parents are held to a great extent responsible for the amusements adopted by the young people under their roof. If we could get behind the scenes we should often hear it argued that Mr. A. allows his daughters to adopt a certain line of conduct, or that Mr. B. makes no objection; whereas it is not impossible that they have both objected strongly, but have not had the moral courage to take the responsibility of withholding their consent. The result is, that they are thought by their friends to sanction that which they disapprove, and they practically throw the weight of their influence into the support of that which they think undesirable.
But let it not be supposed, that in saying this, I do not enter into the anxieties of parents, for I have seen too much of life not to know how great they are, and how strong are the considerations which sometimes make many waver when deciding for their children, who would never hesitate as to their own conduct.
Some are afraid of exciting a prejudice against their principles; and their earnest desire to see their dear children living in Christ makes them glad to soften down as much as possible the distinction between His people and the world. I can enter most heartily into such a feeling, and I am persuaded that no wise Christian would ever wish to put a needless cross in the way of his family. Still we must make up our minds to the conviction, that neither they nor we can follow Christ without the cross. There is a cross to be borne, and we shall utterly mislead those who are guided by us if we suppose that it is melted away by modern improvements in society.
We have therefore plainly to face the fact that our Christian principles involve a cross, and we shall never really commend them to others by presenting them in such a modified form as to keep out of sight their true character. If we succeed in persuading young persons to accept such a modification, there is danger of our becoming the unintentional means of deceiving them as to their true position before God.
Others, who feel strongly themselves, are afraid of drawing the line too tight for others, and so causing a reaction when the tension ceases. I can thoroughly enter into these fears, and most fully acknowledge the danger. But I do not believe it is avoided by the parent’s departure from his own principles; but rather by the prayerful and painstaking endeavour, in accordance with those principles, to make his home thoroughly cheerful. It is the greatest possible mistake, to suppose that exciting amusements and large parties are essential to the happiness of the young. On the contrary, I believe that, when the collapse after the excitement is taken into account, they will be found on the whole to diminish it. The real happiness of a young man’s vacation depends on the resources of his home; and the best safeguard against the irritating effect of real consistency is to make the home so thoroughly cheerful that there is no desire for extraneous excitement. This is not always easy, and in all cases requires prayerful self-denial and painstaking. If a family is left to itself, to amuse itself as best it may, who can wonder that the evenings often hang very heavily? But when the dearly beloved mother throws her whole heart into the interests of all around her; when she is always planning for that which may make the day pass pleasantly; always on the look-out for good books and good friends; always ready to deny herself so as to cheer away a dull half-hour, and to throw herself with real interest into all the amusements of her family; and when the father takes his share in all that is going on, his share of interest, if he cannot afford his share of time, and so gives all the support in his power to her on whom the home life must mainly depend for its attractions, it will seldom be found that the young persons crave after excitement, for the simple reason that they are satisfied at home. I need scarcely remark what a rich reward such parents reap for their painstaking, and how deeply thankful they should be, if the Lord so bless their efforts as to make what some call the tightness of the line never felt by those who are gently guided by it.