[7] The reader will be entertained, no doubt, by a specimen or two:—
“An outcast e’en in hell, and order’d thence,
The skulking Peter hides,” &c.
“Mr. Bache,—You will excuse me for expressing my regret on seeing a character who styles himself Peter Porcupine so often noticed in your paper. What have the people of the United States to do with this man?… What importance can a British sergeant-major acquire in this country by traducing the heroes and counsellors of our late revolution?… His pamphlets are a libel upon common decency and common sense.… Is such a man worthy of being noticed in your paper, Mr. Bache? The best and only way would be to treat him with a silent contempt.”
“Anecdote of Peter Porcupine.—The British renegado was met one day by a French gentleman, who asked him if he was not Peter Porcupine. The question disordered the nerves of this assassin exceedingly, and with trembling accent he declared he was not. The French gentleman told him he doubted him; however, said he, ‘I will whip you, and you whip Peter Porcupine;’ and he horsewhipped him severely. This must have been trifling as to its effect upon Peter’s back, who had been used to a cat-o’-nine-tails when he served in the ranks in the British army, and before he deserted, &c.”
“Such a contemptible wretch as Peter Porcupine, who never gave any specimen of his philosophy, but in bearing with Christian patience a severe whipping at the public post, &c.”
“The infamous Peter Porcupine, whose life has been one continued series of disgraceful crimes.”
But the most outrageous piece of “sarcasm” was this: the Aurora of Sept. 13th inserted a pretended communication from Cobbett, in the following terms:—“Whereas it has been falsely asserted in the Aurora that I had suffered the lash for certain misdemeanours, I beg leave, through the same channel, to deny the assertion, and to invite those who may still be tempted to place confidence in the calumnies of my enemies to favour me with a visit at any time between nine in the morning and one in the afternoon, or from three to six in the evening, when I shall be able to afford them ocular demonstration that the charge is unfounded, and to prove Mr. Bache’s correspondent a liar.—(Signed) P. Porcupine.” The next evening, in Fenno’s Gazette, appears the following, evidently to show merely that Cobbett has seen the above, and affects contempt for it:—“Mr. Fenno,—I see that poor Richard’s grandchild published a notice yesterday morning, signed Peter Porcupine. Pray, sir, inform your readers that this wayward splinter from old lightning-rod never published an advertisement for me, and never will.—I am, &c., Peter Porcupine.” Mr. Bache, however, thinks he has started too good a joke, and proceeds, in his paper of the 16th, to inform his readers that “Peter Porcupine’s levée yesterday and the day before, it is said, was more crowded than that of the President’s generally is. All his visitors, however, are not satisfied with the proofs he has exhibited of his never having been scourged à la militaire; some indeed appear to be fully convinced that his skin is absolutely whole. Some pretend to have perceived on his back slight transversal marks, which they think resemble old scars; but he assures that, if any such are to be observed, they must have been the effects of the trifling flagellation he received in this city from the Frenchman. His considering that accident as a trifle strengthens the belief that he speaks from experience and by comparison. Others of his visitors cannot see the marks observed by the first; but, in the stubborn spirit of determined unbelievers, declare that they have heard of a chemical preparation which, by persevering application, will remove the largest scars, and they maliciously surmise that Peter Porcupine must be in possession of the secret.”
[8] For the use of any possible bibliographer, it may be well to name other squibs which appeared, besides those already enumerated:—
“The History of a Porcupine.”