Well, Mable, I havnt had so much as a pictur post card from you in two weeks. I hope that fello Archie Wainwright aint botherin you agen cause our hospittles is crowded enuff now. Im still a gentleman but if I ever catch him moldin your hammick around his figger—well, Mable, Id talk it over with him cause I seen enuff blood shed already.
yours doubtfully till I hear
Bill
Dere Mable:
I got the first real news for you Ive had since I joined the army. Were comin home toot sweet. Theres an outfit on its way up here now to relieve us. It certinly will relieve me. Just a couple of weeks longer an then no more square heads, no more flannel bandages around my legs, no more engins without cowcatchers. It wont seem right at first. I expect Ill feel like I was A.W.O.L. an run around the corner every time I see a policeman. Theres one man they neednt be afraid of ever startin any more wars an his names Smith. If I ever have a son an he so much as starts off with his left foot hes goin to have the worst lickin you ever heard of.
A General inspected us today. I cant help feelin sorry for his wife. She must spend most of her time lookin for a new hired girl. If he ever said anything nice to anybody I bet hed come back an apologize. Hes the kind of a fello that eats his own young.
Everybody knew the General wasnt comin over to hang no wreaths around nobodies neck. So we all slicked up pretty well to humor him.
Everything would have gone off as well as you could have expected if it hadnt been for that horse. A jokes all right in its place but its place aint under a General. The horse was so big that the General like to have bust gettin up. As soon as he got set the horse took a couple of steps. Then he sat down in the mud like a dog an let out a groan.
Of course it was all off then. By the time hed coaxed that horse up to the battery he was so sore hed have found rust on the perly gates an put Saint Peter under arrest for not bein shaved.
When he got around to my seckshun I thought he was about due to be out of breath. I had a little rip in my pants that I hadnt had time to sew up. Nothing anybodied notice. Just my knee stickin thru. That fello could see a hole in your undershirt tho. When he came up to me he looked me over like I was a windo dummy that he didnt care much about. Then he says to the Captin "What do you mean by lettin a man stand inspeckshun like that?"
The Captin looked at me surprised like hed never seen me before. Then he turns to the sargent an says "Sargent, I want a report on why was that man permitted to stand inspeckshun in that condishun." They all talk as if they were doin me a favor by lettin me stand inspeckshun. Ill tell the world I didnt go around an ask nobodies permishun.