69. "He plunged into the sea once more, (30) not content with his previous exertions. After a long and dangerous struggle, he succeeded in reaching a poor woman that was crying piteously for help, and (a) (35) was at last hauled safely to shore."
(a) Point put and remedy the ambiguity by inserting "he" or by writing "who," according to the meaning.
70. "Sir John Burgoyne himself, face to face with Todleben, became (a) (1) conscious of the difference between the fortifications of San Sebastian and of Sebastopol, (b) which (10 e) was (c) (12) very weak compared with Metz or Paris."
(a) What is the exact meaning of conscious? (b) Avoid the relative, by repeating the name, with a conjunction, (c) "weakness itself."
71. "Upon Richard's leaving the (c) stage, the Commonwealth was again set up; and the Parliament which Cromwell had (a) broken was brought together; but the army and they fell into new disputes: so they were again (a) broken by the army: and upon that the nation was like to fall into (b) (11) great convulsions."
(a) Modern Eng., "broken up." (b) "violently convulsed." (c) It is a question whether this metaphor is in good taste. The meaning is that Richard "retired from public life." It might be asserted that Richard, the Commonwealth, the Parliament are regarded as so many puppets on a "stage." But this is extremely doubtful. Make Parliament the principal subject: "When Richard retired … and when the Commonwealth &c…. the Parliament was … but, falling into a dispute with &c., it was…." See (18) and (43).
72. "What a revolution in the military profession! He began with (a) (11) unnecessary formality, and (b) (11) inefficient weapons, and ended with (c) (b) (11) greatly improved fire-arms."
(a) "pig-tail and pipe-clay." (b) "Six-pounders and flint-locks" are now inefficient compared with "twenty-four-pounders and breech-loaders." (c) Something is wanted antithetical to (a), perhaps "loose drill" or "open order."
73. "Children fear to go in the dark. Men fear death in the same way. The fear of children is increased by tales. So is the fear of death. The contemplation of death, as the 'wages of sin,' and passage to another world, is holy and religious. The fear of it, as a tribute due unto nature, is weak. In religious meditations on death there is sometimes mixture of vanity and of superstition."
Insert connecting adverbs or conjunctions. See (44).