Onesimus: Memoirs of a Disciple of St. Paul

by Edwin Abbott Abbott

But now, two years having passed away and the Church being now at peace, the advice of Philochristus hath come again to my mind that if I crave after certainty concerning the additions to the Tradition, I should go to see John the Disciple at Ephesus. For the holy Apostle still lives, although stricken in years and infirm, not having been able for these many years to preach the Gospel. Yet is there a tradition or doctrine at Ephesus (as I have heard say) differing much from the three Gospels, and taught by the disciples of John, and especially by one, John the Elder, a man of Alexandria (one that has travelled much, and is well versed in the philosophy of the Alexandrine teachers, but much more in the deep things of the Spirit), whom I met many years ago in Antioch. These lines I now write in the sixth year of the Emperor Domitianus, purposing shortly to set out for Smyrna, and thence to Ephesus, to see John and to obtain concerning the Traditions such certainty as I can. Howbeit the Spirit in me forebodeth that I shall not obtain certainty after this manner, neither shall I come again to Berœa, but the Lord hath some other purpose concerning me.

§ 9. OF MY JOURNEY TO SMYRNA, AND HOW THE LORD HATH HELPED EVEN ME TO THE END.

Verily the Spirit deceived me not; for being now about to bear witness for the Lord Jesus with my blood, I add these last words to this history, no longer free, nor amid friends, but in a dungeon, expecting shortly that I shall fight with wild beasts for the Lord in this city of Smyrna, wherein now I write. For coming hither about the time of Passover, I found the people of the city in no small disturbance, because of a great earthquake, and the drying up of the springs, and also incensed against the Proconsul because he had awarded some prize in the games against their judgment. Wherefore the people on the one hand were moved against the Christians, as being causers of the earthquake, and the Proconsul for his part was the more ready to listen to them so as to turn their wrath from himself on us. So when I was, without any disturbance, preaching the Gospel to the Saints on the first day of the week, behold, the Irenarch came suddenly upon us with great violence, and after loading me with fetters he dragged me (with one of the presbyters called Trophimus) before the Proconsul; who straightway bade me swear by the Fortune of Cæsar and reproach Christ. When I refused, he said to me, “I will consume thee with fire, except thou repent.” Then Trophimus made answer, somewhat bitterly, “Thou threatenest me with fire which burneth for an hour and, after that, is extinguished; but thou knowest not the fire of the judgment that is to come which is reserved for the ungodly.” Hereupon the multitude that were in the Stadium, cried out, “Away with the Atheists.” Others bade let loose a lion upon us. But the Proconsul gave orders that we should be taken to the dungeon and there kept for a night and day; and after that, if we would not repent and offer sacrifice saying, “Cæsar is Lord,” we were to be cast to the wild beasts; for the show was appointed for the day after the morrow. So with many reproaches and blows from the officers, goading me onwards that I might come the quicker out of the multitude—who were gathered round, cursing and threatening, and ready to have torn me in pieces—I was dragged along the streets to the prison, and there my clothes were rent from off me, and I was cast naked, more dead than alive, into the barathrum or pit which is in the centre of the inmost prison, there to abide till the time came that I should fight with wild beasts.

Amid the darkness and mire and stench of that noisome den, it pleased the Lord that I should be tempted of Satan that I might prevail over him with the strength of the Lord. For when I knelt down to call upon the Lord, being always used to make mention of Chrestus and Eucharis in my prayers, behold, I found myself bereft of the tokens of them both, whereon were written TRUST and HOPE; and then a terror fell upon me and a shuddering that was not of the limbs but of the heart (so did my very spirit seem to shiver within me) and a voice of evil whispered in my ear saying, “Trust no more,” and then again, “Thy Hope is dead;” and methought monstrous shapes moved around me, making my flesh to creep; and I was on the brink of a bottomless gulf wherein I must needs fall, and Satan was waiting below, ready to swallow up my soul.

Then fell I upon my face and I called upon the Lord in my sore trouble, and besought him that he would send me help from heaven; and I repeated over and over again his comfortable words, how he bade us not fear them that could slay the body, and how he promised that, though we should be slain, yet not one hair of our heads should perish; and I bethought myself of my beloved teacher Paulus, how he also had lain in just such another dungeon for nine days and nights, and with what a constancy he had held fast to the faith of the Lord Jesus; and I also called to mind the last words of the elder Philochristus, how he had bidden me play the man and fight the good fight for Christ. Now up to this time I had been still wrestling with Satan and trembling lest, coming upon me a second time, he should gain some advantage over me; but now, taking courage, I besought the Lord, as in old times, for Chrestus and Eucharis, that they also might obtain mercy and be with me in Christ.

Then it pleased the Lord Jesus my Saviour to turn my thoughts wholly upon him, and upon his passion which he endured for men upon the cross; and gazing thereon I was wrapped up with him above the stir and tumult of earth; and methought I saw, looking down from above, how all the past had worked together for me for good; and how all my wanderings and gropings, yea, even my sins, being washed away by the blood of him who suffered, had become helps instead of hindrances, helping me to love much because I had been much forgiven. Then also I saw how the Lord in his mercy had taken from me the hope of Eucharis, and the trust of Chrestus, yea, and the love of my dearest mother, that so he might guide me up unto himself, the source and object of all trust and hope and love. So being filled with all certainty of joy I besought the Lord once more for them, and for the mother whom I had never seen in the flesh, that they also as well as Eucharis (who had received the seal of baptism) might attain to the resurrection of the just, and I prayed that, if it were possible, I might receive from him some sign or vision that it was well with them. And so it was that, as soon as I had thus prayed, I was lifted up in the spirit with the cross of Christ yet higher than before, and the Lord showed me a vast sea of death, and beneath the sea of death, a sea of sin; but beneath the sea of sin and of death I saw a great gulf of life and love, which swallowed up the sea of sin and death, so that they vanished away.

How long I remained in the Spirit I know not; but when the Spirit left me I was lying in the courtyard of the prison; and around me were standing some of the elders ministering to me, and bidding me be of stout heart; for, said they, in two hours hence must thou needs fight with wild beasts in the amphitheatre for the Lord Jesus Christ. Then I spoke to them strengthening their hearts, and telling them of all the glories of the vision which the Lord had revealed unto me, and having obtained pen and paper I have written down the vision, and how the Lord helped me; to the intent that others also, in time to come, vile and sinful, and defiled, and faithless, may take courage from this history, perceiving how even the weakest and vilest may be made pure and strong in Christ.

As I write these words, knowing that in the third hour of this same day I shall bear witness for the Lord beneath the jaws of the leopards, how small and petty seem to me now the matters of which I once doubted! Better is it to be a fool (as the world counteth folly) and to love the Lord than to have all knowledge and to be without love. He that loveth his brother hath all things and knoweth all things; and, if he lack aught, behold, all possessions and all knowledge shall be added unto him. Behold, the voice of man calleth me to arise and to go forth unto death. But I obey not his voice but thine. Thou callest me, O my Redeemer, and I come.

§ 10. CONCERNING THE PASSION OF THE BLESSED MARTYRS TROPHIMUS AND ONESIMUS.

For the edification of the saints it hath seemed good to us, the Elders of the Church in Smyrna, to add to this history a brief relation concerning the passion of the blessed martyrs Trophimus and Onesimus, to the intent that others, taking them as their ensamples, may be encouraged to testify with like boldness for the Lord. The manner of their going forth from prison was of a strange difference; both rejoicing, but Trophimus threatening the people with the wrath of God, and saying to the Proconsul, “Thou judgest us; but God shall judge thee.” Likewise to the Asiarch he said, “Note well our faces that thou mayst remember us in the judgment-day, when we shall laugh, and thou weep.” Hereat the people, being angered, demanded that they should be scourged, passing through two rows of venatores: but the blessed martyr Trophimus rejoiced that he should have received this further torment for the Lord Jesus. Onesimus also shewed no less cheerfulness and constancy; but he walked silent and with eyes fixed and uplifted, as if intent on glory to come.