The Dyak women generally regard marriage as a means of obtaining a man to work for them. A woman will often separate from her husband simply because he is lazy, and will not do his fair share of the work. There is a certain division of labour among Dyaks, and there are some kinds of work which it is usual for the man to do, and other work which falls to the share of the woman. It is no unusual thing to hear a woman who wishes to be divorced from a lazy husband say: “I married because I wanted a man to work for me; but if I have to do the man’s work as well as my own, as I have to with a husband like mine, I might just as well be unmarried.”
Dyak Girl Spinning
She is seated on a mat, in a characteristic attitude, and is making yarn out of the cotton, using a primitive spinning-wheel.
It must not be supposed from what has been said that conjugal affection is rare among the Dyaks. On the contrary, a great deal of it exists, and the men very often love their wives and think a great deal of their opinion. They will not decide upon any important course of action without consulting them. Where there are children, the husbands very often help their wives in doing more than their share of the man’s work, and I have often seen the men nursing and fondling their naked babies when the mothers were busy.
Dyaks who have come in contact with civilization, and who have been to school themselves, see the advantages of being educated, and I know of a Dyak in Saribas who married a young wife and sent her to the Society for the Propagation of the Gospel in Foreign Parts Girls’ School in the capital of Sarawak (Kuching) for two years to be taught before she came to live with him in his Dyak home.
As has been mentioned before, the parents of a woman often tyrannize over a son-in-law who takes up his abode with them. If the woman herself side with her parents, it is often very unpleasant for the husband. I remember talking over this matter with some Dyaks at Sebetan, and telling them that I thought, as a general rule, it was better for husband and wife to settle between themselves any differences they might have, without interference from others, and I mentioned certain cases of divorce which, I said, I felt sure would not have come about except for the interference of the mothers-in-law, who behaved foolishly and caused mischief. Then I turned round to one of the men present, and said:—
“You have lived for many years with your wife’s relatives, and you seem to be happy enough. You are one of the few who have had no differences with the relatives of their wives, and live happily in spite of your mother-in-law’s presence in your house. Is it not so?”
“Yes,” he said, “we do get on very well now, but it was not always so. When I was first married, her parents were always taking her side against me, and the result was that I was ordered about so much, and found fault with so often, that I was beginning to get sick of it. However, matters soon came to a climax. One day my wife was pounding paddy, and, turning to me, she said: ‘This lesong (wooden mortar) is not a nice one; will you make me another?’ I said I would, and I went to the jungle, cut down a tree, and made a new wooden mortar, and carried it home. She did not like it. It was, in her opinion, no better than the other.”
(I may mention here that the Dyak women like a mortar that makes a great deal of noise when paddy is pounded in it to rid it of the husk. Probably the only fault to be found with the mortar was that it did not make enough noise when in use to satisfy his wife.)