But if there is a thing that makes me sad,

Or drives me into desperation, nearly mad,

It is to see behind a great cigar

A youngster who, if his good pa and ma

Knew what the little fellow was about,

Would quickly put their tempers, and his smoking, out.

But arguments are needed; it will not take me long

To find a backer to my statement that tobacco smoking’s wrong.

And first—If I’d a puppy, and I wanted all to know

That I could stop his growth and keep him low,