“I wished to help you. Do you believe that now?”
“I believe you, dear heart,” I assured.
“But it was partly because I thought you could help me,” she said, like a confession. And she added: “I had nothing wrong in mind. You were to be a friend, not a lover. I had no need of lovers; no, no.”
We were silent for an interval. Again she spoke.
“Do you care anything about my family? I suppose not. That doesn’t matter, here. But you wouldn’t be ashamed of them. I ran away with Montoyo. I thought he was something else. How could I go home after that? I tried to be true to him, we had plenty of money, he was kind to me at first, but he dragged me down and my father and mother don’t know even yet. Yes, I tried to help him, too. I stayed. It’s a life that gets into one’s blood. I feared him terribly, in time. He was a breed, and a devil—a gentleman devil.” She referred in the past tense, as to some fact definitely bygone. “I had to play fair with him, or—— And when I had done that, hoping, why, what else could I do or where could I go? So many people knew me.” She smiled. “Suddenly I tied to you, sir. I seemed to feel—I took the chance.”
“Thank God you did,” I encouraged. 304
“But I would not have wronged myself, or you, or him,” she eagerly pursued. “I never did wrong him.” She flushed. “No man can convict me. You hurt me when you refused me, dear; it told me that you didn’t understand. Then I was desperate. I had been shamed before you, and by you. You were going, and not understanding, and I couldn’t let you. So I did follow you to the wagon train. You were my star. I wonder why. I did feel that you’d get me out—you see, I was so madly selfish, like a drowning person. I clutched at you; might have put you under while climbing up, myself.”
“We have climbed together,” said I. “You have made me into a man.”
“But I forced myself on you. I played you against Daniel. I foresaw that you might have to kill him, to rid me of him. You were my weapon. And I used you. Do you blame me that I used you?”
“Daniel and I were destined to meet, just as you and I were destined to meet,” said I. “I had to prove myself on him. It would have happened anyway. Had I not stood up to him you would not have loved me.”