Your boy and his training

by Edwin Seward Puller

The prohibition of reading dime novels, nickel libraries and other blood-and-thunder tales, without the suggestion of adventure stories of definite ethical and moral value to fill the vacuum thus created in his emotional life, is another conspicuous example of the repressive method of training—which does not repress but impels the boy to continue his lurid reading in secret.

The error of the system lies in taking something essential away from the boy without giving him an adequate substitute. It is damming up the stream without providing a spillway, and is as ineffective as it is unpsychological. The current of his activities will find a channel as surely as water will find its level. Instead of attempting to check the flow, we should direct it into channels for good. This repression, if persistent, will dwarf the child’s initiative and compel him to grope in the dark to find out what is permissible. It is as fallacious in practice as a system of teaching, if such could be conceived, which would give the boy a hundred guesses to learn a fact, instead of the teacher’s direct statement of the fact. It is the maze of a labyrinth which envelops the traveler in hopeless confusion and its effect can only be depressing and disheartening to the child. We frequently make the mistake of underestimating the reasoning powers of our children, which prompts us with autocratic dogmatism to forbid their acts without an explanation of the reasons why or the suggestion of a substitute to fill the void caused by the prohibition.

“Stop making that noise!” is a command hurled at the playful boy with such frequency that it no longer excites comment. It is natural for boys to play, yell, make a noise, and wear out clothes. They are the exuberant manifestations of his physical and emotional nature; the expression of the atavistic tendencies of man; the safety valve which relieves the pressure of superabundant vitality. As he is in the savage period of his life he yells like a savage. You may as well tell a pup not to bark as to tell a boy not to yell. It is the nature of the animal. We should recognize this fact by conforming to nature—not opposing it—because it is the normal condition of the normal boy. I have a profound pity for the boy who prefers to sit by his mother’s knee and read a book on his holiday, instead of joining the gang in playing tag or getting up a scrub game of baseball. Such a boy is abnormal; he is not “all boy”; he is either sick or mentally deficient and either condition should inspire the grayest solicitude of his parents as to his future. We do not want to rear a race of anemic runts.

The young of all mammals manifest the play spirit as a means of growth. Colt, calf, lamb, kitten, pup, and boy all exhibit this tendency of nature. These things are the cause of growth, not only physical, but mental and moral as well. The educational value of play is one of the most important factors in the boy’s evolution. It is the expression of his being, his growth, his aspirations and his future. By play, he trains his eye, his hand, his mind and his muscles; his moral conceptions are formed; he learns to distinguish between right and wrong, and the recognition of individual and property rights begins to emerge from his nascent moral consciousness. Games with companions develop the social instincts. Through them he first realizes that he is a social unit—a thread in the social fabric of humanity. Action, constant action, is the keynote to his present and the hope of his future. He aches for action. If the boy’s play and noise disturb you, do not squelch him, but rather provide him with a place in which he may exercise these manifestations of his nature without causing you annoyance. A playroom in the house or barn, a tent, the lawn, the park, the great woods of the country are all ideal playgrounds for boys which satisfy the savage spirit of his nature. There ought to be ample room in this great world of ours for the growth and development of our future men.

Objection is sometimes made that sports are a non-productive form of energy—a waste of time and strength which might be employed in manual training or in work of economic value capable of being measured in terms of money. It is true that the athletics and games of boys have no money value, nor are they designed for such purpose, but the energy expended is not wasted. On the contrary, it is highly productive of both physical and moral growth. It is productive of strong bodies, clear eyes, speed, agility, strength, quick thinking, sound judgment, a sense of fair play, self-confidence, control of temper, coördination of brain and muscle, and respect for the rights of others. Their value is educational and cultural—a means to an end and not the end itself. The boy who by reason of financial necessity is required to become a breadwinner is deprived not only of a large part of the joys of boyhood which should be his as a matter of right, but of many physical activities, educational in their effect, which would otherwise train and equip him both mentally and physically for service in adult vocations and good citizenship. The repression of play and its attendant noise is always inspired by motives of consideration for the convenience of the adult and never by a thought of its effect on the boy himself.

The repressive method of training, alone, is ineffective at any age, but if it is used sparingly in early childhood and then only when combined with suggestions and directions for activities to replace those prohibited it produces good results. As the child grows in years the positive, constructive, suggestive method of training should be employed exclusively.

Quite as pernicious as the repressive method is the passive system of training—in effect no training at all—which permits the boy to have his own way in everything. It is the resource of the indulgent and lazy parent who seeks the line of least resistance. When combined with a lavish supply of money, its effects are usually ruinous. I know a boy now fifteen years of age, a typical spoiled son of a wealthy father. At our first meeting, a year ago, the sartorial display on his stunted physique was loud and elaborate and was the work, he volunteered, of his father’s tailor. He was decorated with a gold watch and chain, an elaborate scarf pin and two finger rings conspicuous for their size. He immediately began to boast to the little group of boys who surrounded him of the cost and superiority of his clothes, his rifle, his canoe and his pony. At first, the group looked on in mingled awe and admiration. Then their keen insight and sense of humor were betrayed in the knowing winks and nods which they exchanged, followed by a volley of questions designed to hold him up to ridicule, until the poor little sham of a boy, unable to bear their raillery longer, finally blurted out in an attempt to silence his inquisitors, “My father’s got more money than all of your fathers put together.”

I have long held the belief that the boy is the mirror of his home. A subsequent acquaintance with the lad’s father and his home life confirmed my impression that the sum total of this boy’s training consisted in gratifying his every wish. For the boy to ask was to receive. While the father expended a wealth of money, he did not expend a single thought concerning its effect on his son. Only pity can be evoked at the plight of such a boy handicapped as he is by these false ideals and standards of life. It is doubtful whether even the unsympathetic, stern and harsh discipline of the brutalist is more conducive to crippled character than the methods of the lavish, coddling and cosseting parent.

Parents have the choice of two plans in correcting faults and developing character in the boy. One consists in the prohibition of acts and the application of censure for wrongdoing, and proceeds on the theory that the consequences of wrongdoing will be made so unpleasant that he will abandon the acts complained of to avoid the resulting censure. The other plan is to suggest the desired course of conduct and to praise the boy for his good acts and qualities to the extent that he will continually seek to earn approval by doing the things which call forth approbation. The boy, like the adult, is keenly susceptible to praise. The exaltation of spirit which follows the word of approval given as a reward for good deeds is a continued inspiration to future goodness. The effects of blame are depressing; of praise, stimulating.

A certain boy has hanging on the wall of his bedroom an honor shield on which silver “merit stars” are placed for conspicuous good deeds, deportment, and scholarship. As each unworthy act or failure of duty causes the removal of a star, the owner is keenly alive to keeping his escutcheon bright with evidences of merit.