Your boy and his training

by Edwin Seward Puller

Again I would stress the need of a companionship between father and son which should attain the intimacy of chumship. Such relationship is indispensable to a knowledge of all his difficulties, trials and troubles, for he will attempt to solve them in his own crude way if there is no one to whom he can lay bare his soul in the belief that he will find sympathetic understanding and advice. Fewer sons would go astray if more fathers would be big brothers to them. The foundation of such companionship is laid in infancy and early boyhood, but it is neglected and frequently lost at puberty, at which time it is most needed. We are quite willing to accept the pleasures of association with the light-hearted frankness and joyousness of infancy, but too often we evade the responsibility of sharing the burdens of the adolescent.

Few fathers know their adolescent sons. It is true that they recognize the exterior boy and are familiar with his patent activities, but they seldom know his inner self and it is his inner self which needs help. Unfortunately, we men are endowed with a superfluous amount of egotism which causes us to assume that our sons will, through heredity or force of our example, absorb or inhale much of our surplus moral virtue. Few boys can work out their own salvation. The let-alone policy is no policy at all. A passive system of training cannot be commended for results. Instead, a plan of active, suggestive, sympathetic, intelligent, and informative coöperation will produce the same beneficial results when applied to the boy-problem as to a business problem.

Certain apparent deficiencies of intellect as well as of character are often the result of influences far removed from those which are commonly assigned as their compelling causes. It is usual for us to look for the immediate and proximate causes of ailments while remote causes are often unsuspected. Among such causes are the physical abnormalities known as adenoids and hypertrophied tonsils, both of which exercise sinister influence in repressing the growth of intellect and character. It is now generally conceded by the medical profession that these conditions exercise such a profound influence on the physical and nervous system that the free and normal development of intellect as well as of character is retarded. Frequently the boy who is backward in school and who often displays tendencies toward truancy, evasion, and falsehood because of his mental retardation has reached this state on account of his physical condition.

The correction of astigmatism, myopia, and other defects of eyesight (alarmingly prevalent among children) by supplying him with proper eyeglasses uniformly results in better school grades as well as marked improvement in cheerfulness. The evil effects of impaired hearing, decayed teeth, and malnutrition on intellectual progress are also noticeable. The backward, indolent boy should always have the advice and assistance of the physician, the oculist, and the dentist before he receives blame for either mental deficiency or laziness.

The effects of heredity and prenatal influence in determining the character of the child have been, in the opinion of many investigators, greatly overestimated by the popular mind. The causative influence of training (and environment which is a part of training) is immeasurably more potent in the upbuilding of strong moral qualities than heredity. The records of the Children’s Aid Society of New York, covering more than 38,000 children, many of whom are the offspring of drunken and criminal fathers and dissolute mothers, show beyond cavil that a good home with love and moral training will usually submerge hereditary tendencies be they ever so vicious. A very large proportion of these children of delinquent parents, stamped (according to the theory of heredity) with rotten physiques and rottener characters, have, through good training and good environment, developed into law-abiding and useful citizens. Among them may be mentioned two governors of states, two congressmen, four judges, one justice of the Supreme Court, nine members of state legislatures, thirty-five lawyers, eighty-six teachers, nineteen physicians, twenty-four ministers, sixteen journalists, twenty-nine bankers, and countless farmers, mechanics, clerks and business men. The theory of the “inherent depravity” of the boy, whether attributed to heredity or to an act of God, is a rapidly fading myth. The boy is inherently good—not bad.

First know your son and love him; then you will be able to help him. When you come to know the boy—even the adolescent—he is an exceedingly lovable creature; and his inherent potentialities for future excellence should be our inspiration for such assistance as will build them into perfect manhood.

Do not deceive yourself with the belief that your Johnny is different from other boys and that therefore the principles of boy-psychology have no application to him and to his problems. Diversities of temperament and character differentiate individuals, but all boys possess a common nature whose evolution progresses according to fixed laws. Idiosyncrasies and abnormalities of character are of slow growth. They do not erupt suddenly like the measles. It must be obvious, on consideration, that no simple panacea can be found for the speedy cure of such complex and diverse diseases of character. Good training and wholesome environment supplied throughout boyhood will make good, wholesome character in manhood.

We may summarize, in so far as it is possible to do so (of necessity, crudely and imperfectly) the principles of boy-training in the following statements:

“Better boys!” should be our slogan.

Intelligent training is the birthright of every child.