”But, Lulie,” persisted Carlotta, ”this sensitiveness would after a while pass off, and our very kindness would beguile you of your remorse. And even if you suffer, I should think any change would be better than this life of shameless iniquity, so utterly opposed to the refinement and delicacy I believe still linger in your breast.”
”Oh, Lottie, do not chide me. You, whose heart is pure, who have never known the wild reckless abandonment of all that is virtuous, all that is good, cannot understand the terrible remorse that drives me into vice, whose constancy will prevent reflection—aye, reflection. An eternity of hell is compassed in one hour of my retrospect. I cannot be alone; solitude would drive me mad. One thought alone has brought relief—relief mingled with horror—the thought of death! Oft in the night has it come to my sleepless pillow and whispered to me ‘Die!’ and yet, when I poured the poison in the glass, my trembling hand has dropped it from my lips. But the crisis has come,” she said, fiercely, striking her hands together and wringing them till her jewelled rings cut into the flesh. ”I will not shrink again. I will die!” and clasping her hands across her head, she gazed at me with such intense anguish and despair in her hollow eyes, I shrank from her face.
”Lulie, Lulie, dearest, do not speak so,” said Carlotta, again putting her arms around her and trying to soothe her. ”You cannot surely contemplate self-destruction. Think, Lulie, what an awful thing it is to die. There, darling,” she continued, as Lulie’s head drooped on her shoulder, ”you were speaking wildly just now, you did not mean what you said. Come, the carriage is waiting. You must go with us; we cannot leave you here.”
But Lulie only shook her head firmly and remained silent.
After a rather long pause Carlotta spoke again, in a low impressive voice:
”Lulie, hear my last appeal. For the sake of the long ago, when we were innocent happy children, and our hearts were bound with ties of love which have never yet been broken; for the sake of those dear old days, I beseech, I implore you to leave these unworthy associations, and seek with us a better life. Aye, Lulie, for the sake of your dead mother, I beg you to come. If a heart can be sad in Heaven, hers is bleeding now to see you thus; her precious little Lulie in such a place as this! Oh! will you not make her happy again?”
The fountains of her heart were now broken up, and with long shuddering sobs she lay weeping on Carlotta’s neck.
I had not spoken yet, but had left all to Carlotta’s tact and skill. I now knelt down by Lulie and took her hand, while my broken voice and tearful eyes attested the sincerity of all I said:
”Dear little playmate, by the memory of our childhood’s love, by the thousand scenes and incidents that endeared us to each other—our nursery games, Miss Hester’s school, the little parties when you first ventured to take my arm—by your first rejection of my love as we grew older, but above all, by the confidence you placed in me under the old oak at Chapel Hill, I implore you to trust us now and to put your future into our hands.”
”Oh, spare me! spare me!” she cried, sobbing afresh, ”for humanity’s sake spare me! If you would not kill me, do not tell me of my joyous, sinless childhood. It is gone forever from me. Oh, my wrecked and ruined character! Oh, my blighted, broken heart! Mother! mother! MOTHER! God grant you may be blind in Heaven, that you may not see your poor, polluted child on earth. Lottie, do not torture me more; ‘tis useless to persuade me; I cannot go. Leave me to my fate. If you are willing, put both arms round my neck once more and kiss me farewell. John, my noble, true-hearted friend, Good-bye!”