Tomb: A place for the deposit of the dead. (See College, Newspaper Office, Philadelphia Club, Legation, etc.)
Top-Notcher: An individual who works only for the interest of the institution of which he is a part, not against it.
Total Depravity: The greatest idea for the acquisition of power and pelf ever devised.
Trouble: 1. A hallucination that affords a sweet satisfaction to the possessor. 2. Any interesting topic of conversation. 3. A plan of Nature whereby a person is diverted from the humiliation of seeing himself as others see him. (An impressario's troubles begin when the prima donna kicks and the ladies of the ballet won't.)
Trumpet: A musical instrument which in the mouth of Gabriel will bring to life for their eternal undoing all Shylocks, officeholders, editorial writers, landlords, and professional epigrammatists.