Hair: The Olympus of the pediculidæ.
Heaven: 1. The Coney Island of the Christian imagination. 2. Largely a matter of digestion. 3. An orphan asylum where institutionalism reigns. 4. A penitential colony where the virtuous and the good are condemned to eternal fellowship for their stupidities uttered on earth.
Hate: 1. The shoal on which our bark is stranded. 2. A habit.
Has-Been: Any man who thinks he has arrived.
Hell: 1. A Papal bull. 2. An extinct volcano. 3. The Pantheon of the brave. 4. An ancient conflagration that was checked when Voltaire invented the asbestos intellect. 5. A theological corn, wart or tumor. 6. The sense of separateness. 7. Three telephone systems in a town. 8. An invitation to go sightseeing. E. g., "If I'd only had a parachute at the time I would have gone to hell gracefully and taken a record for descent."—From Lucifer's Confessions of a Ticket-o'-Leave Man.