Fourth day. Feeling my mind drawn to attend the monthly meeting of Westbury, which was held to-day, I proceeded accordingly. In the meeting for worship, I was led to show to Friends, under the similitude of Israel’s travel, that it was not enough to be delivered from our former sins, nor from the red sea of trials and obstructing temptations, so as to rejoice on the banks of deliverance, and be fed with heavenly manna, even angels’ food; nor to journey on towards the promised Canaan, as far as Korah and his company; and to see like them, the wonder-working power of Jehovah in the wilderness, unless they also came to witness a complete death to their own wills, so as to be entirely submissive to the will of our heavenly Father; for otherwise they would be left to encompass as it were, a mountain in the wilderness, until the old man, that is, self-will, is entirely worn out and dies there, on this side Jordan: for nothing short of that will open Jordan’s streams, and enable us to go through on dry land. I had largely to open to Friends the mystery of our redemption, in the demonstration of the spirit, showing the necessity of continual perseverance and making progress in our heavenly journey, otherwise we shall be liable to fall into a state of ease and carnal security; and thereby make shipwreck of faith and a good conscience, and our latter end be worse than the beginning; like those of Israel, who fell in the wilderness and never obtained the promised land.
Fifth day. Attended our monthly meeting. As it was the time of answering our queries, I was engaged to stir up Friends to more diligence, by faithfully scrutinizing their own individual states through the medium of the queries, by which means they would be truly useful to us; for otherwise the reading and answering them would become a dead lifeless form.
First day, the 19th. A silent meeting to-day, in which my spirit was grieved, as is too often the case in our meetings, from a sense of the great want of real spiritual life, and the apparent deadness and formality which too generally prevail; whereby it often happens that a number appear drowsy and nodding, and some falling asleep, to the great trouble and exercise of the living concerned members, who are often led to mourn in secret on these accounts.
In the course of this week I attended our quarterly meeting held at this time at Westbury. It was a season of close solemn searching, and through the animating influence of the divine light and life, the hidden things of Esau or the first nature, were brought to light and judged. Although some, who had long covered themselves as with thick clay, and were solacing themselves in their ceiled houses, kicked like Jeshurun of old, when they were made to feel the piercing edge of that sword which divides between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart; yet the truth had its way over all their opposition, and in the closing meeting reigned triumphant over all. Blessed be the Lord for his unspeakable gifts dispensed to his faithful children.
First day, the 26th. My mind in our meeting to-day, was led to reflect on the excellency and powerful effect of true faith. As the subject opened, I found it my place to spread the prospect before the meeting; in the communication whereof, life sprang up and the truth was raised into dominion over all, and my heart was made thankful for the unmerited favour.
The rest of the week I was busily employed in my domestic affairs, and in taking the oversight and care of my stock; the weather being very cold and frosty, and the earth covered with snow. Attended our meeting on fifth day, at which there was a funeral of a deceased Friend, an ancient maiden. I sat the greater part of the meeting in silence, in which time there were two short testimonies delivered, but without much apparent effect, as the seed of immortal life was too much pressed down, as a cart with sheaves; and nothing is sufficient to raise a meeting from such a state of death and stupor, but the life-giving presence and powerful word of Him, who raised Lazarus from the grave. As I patiently endured the necessary baptism for the dead, towards the close of the meeting a little gleam of light appeared, in which was brought to my remembrance that passage of the wise man, that “Righteousness exalteth a nation.” And as my inward eye was kept to the opening, it spread, and light sprang up, in which I felt the truth of that saying, that “the Lord’s people are willing in the day of his power;” and as I yielded to communication, the life was raised into dominion, and ran as oil over all. Surely it was the Lord’s doing and marvellous in mine eyes.
CHAPTER XIII.
Engagements at and near home, 1817.—Visit to some parts of the yearly meetings of Philadelphia and Baltimore, 1817.