The rest of this week was principally occupied in a close application to my temporal concerns, except attending our monthly and select preparative meetings, which came at this time. My belief was similar to the apostle’s, that he who is not carefully industrious to labour for his own and household’s comfortable support, may be considered to have denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel; as they are generally careful on those accounts.
First day, the 17th. The meeting to-day was pretty open and comfortable. The rest of the week was mostly taken up in attending our quarterly meeting, held at New-York at this time.
First day, the 24th. Sat our meeting mostly in silence.
Second, third, and fourth days. Were taken up principally in caring for my temporal concerns. Alas, how much precious time is expended for the accommodation of those houses of clay, which must shortly return to the dust from whence they were taken; and which often burden, and too much indispose the mind for heavenly and spiritual meditations, unless carefully watched and strongly guarded against.
Fifth day. I was wholly silent in our meeting to-day; in the course of which I had full evidence of the truth of that saying of the great Master, that of ourselves, without him, we can do nothing.
Sixth and seventh days. Were accompanied with heart searchings, discouragement, and dismay; in which I witnessed the truth of that saying, that vain is the help of man, whose efforts often tend more to sully and weaken, than to brighten and strengthen the minds of those they strive to help. This is principally owing to their dwelling on the surface, and judging from the outward appearance, instead of digging deep in search of the mind of truth, which only can enable to judge with righteous judgment.
First day, the 1st of 5th month. Sat our meeting in silence, and in much poverty of spirit; and when the season for closing the meeting seemed near at hand, I looked over the assembly, which was pretty large, with a degree of sympathy and commiseration, which brought to my remembrance the compassionate saying of our Lord to his disciples, on, as I apprehended, a similar occasion, viz: “If I send them away fasting to their own houses, they will faint by the way.” This put a stop to my mind with regard to closing the meeting; and as I knew I had nothing to give, I looked around to see what was to be done. A friend then stood up with something comparable to the five loaves and the two fishes, which were found formerly in the lad’s basket. As they were broken, she handed them to the company, until all appeared satisfied; for which I was thankful.
Seventh day. The week hath passed away. Oh time, precious time, how swift thou passest on, by us almost unenjoyed and unimproved! How soon thou wilt land thy travelling pilgrim in the house appointed for all living; where, oh my soul, thou knowest there is no repentance nor amendment known! Prepare then, oh prepare, for thy final change!
First day, the 8th of 5th month. A poor silent meeting until near the close, when a little light sprang up and dispelled the darkness, and sweetened all the bitter. By such things we are instructed, and learn to know our dependent state, and that it is the Lord’s doings, and marvellous in our eyes.